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A Timeline Of The Watergate Scandal

With the White House mired in controversy, comparisons to Washington’s most famous scandal have been common, if not always accurate. Forty-five years after the events leading to Nixon’s resignation, The Onion presents a detailed timeline of the Watergate scandal.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.

What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

Black Guy Asks Nation For Change

CHICAGO—Some residents reported seeing the black guy waving wildly and quoting from the Bible, while others said they spotted him shouting about global warming.
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Habitat For Humanity Investigated For Working Conditions After 92-Year-Old Laborer Collapses On Site

WASHINGTON—Responding to an unsettling incident that has raised concerns about worker exploitation within the organization, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration announced Friday it was launching an investigation into working conditions within Habitat for Humanity after a 92-year-old laborer reportedly collapsed on a job site yesterday. “According to the shocking and disturbing reports we have received, it appears that an elderly man in his 90s—who was observed to be exceedingly thin and frail—was being used as a manual laborer at a residential construction site, where he eventually succumbed to exhaustion and dehydration,” said agency spokesperson Jillian Rogers, adding that authorities were “sickened” to discover records showing that the nonagenarian laborer had been performing blue-collar work for the organization for over 30 years, and had been transported from one construction project to another—sometimes internationally—without any compensation. “This man appears to have had minor farming and public service experience, but no serious construction training. Nevertheless, this organization continued to rely on him to perform a variety of carpentry, masonry, and roofing duties despite his advanced age and limited physical abilities. We’re glad this came to our attention before it was too late for this unfortunate senior citizen.” At press time, witnesses reported seeing the gaunt old man being forced onto a plane to go dig wells and lay pipe at a rural African project site just hours after being released from the hospital.

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What Can Americans Expect Under A Trump Presidency?

With two months until the inauguration of Donald Trump, many Americans are wondering what his term will look like and what his administration might accomplish. The Onion answers some common questions about Trump’s upcoming presidency

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