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Rangers Disgusted By Prince Fielder Leaving Chewed-Up Bats All Over Dugout

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Prince Fielder

Prince Fielder Urges Rookie To Choke Up On Burrito

DETROIT—Tigers first baseman Prince Fielder reportedly shared years of veteran experience Wednesday by urging rookie pitcher to Drew Smyly to choke up on his burrito, claiming it would vastly improve his control and ability to make contact with the ...
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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

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Rangers Disgusted By Prince Fielder Leaving Chewed-Up Bats All Over Dugout

ARLINGTON, TX—Complaining that he should have dropped the habit a long time ago, members of the Texas Rangers admitted to reporters Thursday that they are constantly disgusted by first baseman Prince Fielder’s tendency to leave chewed-up baseball bats all over the dugout. “Prince is always taking other guys’ bats and gnawing on them—it’s so gross,” said Rangers left fielder Ian Desmond, who added that he and other players will often reach for their bats in the dugout rack, only to find them covered in Fielder’s teeth marks and wet with drool. “I don’t think he even notices when he’s doing it. Sometimes he’ll be talking to me on the bench and suddenly he’ll start chomping on one. I wish he would at least chew on his own bats, because there’s no way I’m using one of mine after he’s had it in his mouth.” Desmond added that he is just thankful Fielder has finally stopped spitting wet baseballs at teammates taking naps in the clubhouse.

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