adBlockCheck

Public Assured Escaped Convict Has 24 Years Of Rehabilitation Under His Belt

Top Headlines

prison

How To Reform The Nation’s Prison System

With pressing issues such as overcrowding, overuse of solitary confinement, and the long-term incarceration of nonviolent offenders, many critics of the nation’s prison system are calling for sweeping reforms. Here are some of the proposals to improve the prison system:

Revelations Of The Declassified CIA Torture Report

After years of delays amid concern that releasing the information could incite violence against Americans, the Senate Intelligence Committee published a report Tuesday detailing the CIA’s use of often brutal enhanced interrogation techniques on t...

Area Man Already Tired Of Prison

SHERIDAN, OR—"Honestly, what am I supposed to do now?" First-time inmate Martin Hayes asked. "Sit-Ups? Did some already. And I finished the book I brought with me."
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Public Assured Escaped Convict Has 24 Years Of Rehabilitation Under His Belt

CREST HILL, IL—While alerting the public Thursday that inmate Leonard Sawyer had escaped from the facility during the night and was currently at large, officials from Stateville Correctional Center sought to assuage local residents’ concerns by emphasizing that the convict has 24 years of rehabilitation under his belt. “Sawyer’s whereabouts are unknown at this time, but the public can rest assured that this is a man whose lengthy incarceration gave him ample time to reform his violent tendencies and remake himself into a productive member of society,” said Stateville spokesman Richard Mulberry, noting that Sawyer, who was convicted of double homicide and who physically overpowered two guards in his escape, has had every day since 1992 to reflect on his past decisions and commit to turning his life around. “While we dispatch teams to scour the area and set up roadblocks within a 20-mile perimeter, we want to make it clear to those living in the area that Sawyer held down a laundry room job for over a decade in the maximum-security cell block, providing him with the discipline and responsibility necessary to develop a more constructive outlook and approach to life. And on top of all that, he spent the last four years in solitary confinement, an environment free of distractions in which he could truly focus on his personal rehabilitation.” At press time, the “completely changed man” was holed up with two hostages in a gas station and letting state troopers know his demands.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close