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Area Man Excited To Hear Girlfriend Has Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

Family Sadly Marks First 4/20 Without Grandmother

ALBANY, NY—Reminiscing about the departed matriarch while partaking in the annual festivities, members of the Osterman family sadly marked their first 4/20 since the passing of their grandmother, sources reported Thursday.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Woman Hopes Husband Doesn’t Notice She Lost Wedding Ring Finger Over Weekend

GRAND FORKS, ND—Knowing how furious he’d be the moment he noticed its absence from her hand, local woman Teri Bishop told reporters Thursday that she hoped her husband wouldn’t realize she lost her wedding ring finger over the weekend. “If Brian glances over and sees the ring finger’s gone, he’s going to be pissed, and frankly, I don’t blame him,” said Bishop, adding that while she recalled having it at the mall on Saturday, no ring finger matching its description had yet been returned to the lost and found. “This is the second time I’ve misplaced it, and I was lucky I found it on the floor of my car the first time. Maybe I’ll dig around in my purse one last time, and if it’s not there I’ll just have to get a replacement, although they cost a fortune and never look exactly like the original.” At press time, Bishop had purchased the replacement, and her husband had yet to say anything whatsoever.

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Man Holding Hands With Pregnant Woman Must Have Weird Fetish

RED BANK, NJ—Testing the limits of what even the most progressive onlookers considered publicly acceptable, a man was seen by multiple witnesses Tuesday holding hands with a visibly pregnant woman in what many could only interpret as the expression of a bizarre fetish.

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