Roommates Assured Girlfriend Only Staying Over For Entire Duration Of Relationship

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Man Must Be Living With Roommates By Choice At This Point

MILWAUKEE—Noting that his income level does not necessitate sharing a single kitchen and bathroom with two other grown men, sources confirmed Wednesday that local 32-year-old Josh Redmayne must be living with roommates completely by choice at this p...

Fuck, Roommates Want To Have Meeting

BROOKLYN, NY—Sitting in the living room of his apartment Wednesday, a visibly anxious Drew Johnson told reporters that, fuck, his roommates want to have a meeting as soon as everyone can find a moment. According to the 24-year-old production assista...
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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Roommates Assured Girlfriend Only Staying Over For Entire Duration Of Relationship

PORTLAND, ME—In an effort to ease any concerns about her presence at the apartment, local man Jason Ballard assured his two roommates Wednesday that his girlfriend would only be staying over for the entire duration of their relationship. “Yeah, I know Anne was using the shower this morning, but she’s only going to be hanging out here until we’re no longer dating—that’s it,” said Ballard, who promised that he and his girlfriend would just be watching movies on the living room couch and cooking in the kitchen every night from now until their relationship ends, and then she would be out of their hair. “Just so you know, she’ll definitely be gone by the time our relationship is over. Honestly, you’ll hardly notice that she’s here.” At press time, both roommates were reportedly confident that Ballard’s girlfriend would most likely leave the apartment by the end of the month.


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