Prescription Label Recommends Just Taking More And More Until Something Kicks In

In This Section

Science & Technology

YouTube Turns 10

On April 23, 2005, three former PayPal employees started a video-sharing site called YouTube, which has since grown into an influential media platform with over 1 billion users.

Pros And Cons Of Screen Time For Kids

As technology becomes more of a staple in everyday family life, parents are making choices about how much screen time to allow their children—and asking questions about how computers, phones, and TVs might help or hinder a child’s development.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Prescription Label Recommends Just Taking More And More Until Something Kicks In

GREENVILLE, SC—Providing the drug’s dosage information and instructions for use, the label for anti-anxiety medication Ativan reportedly recommends that patients just keep taking more and more of the pharmaceutical until something kicks in, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Take two tablets by mouth and then just keep on throwing them back until you can really feel something,” reads the label adhered to the pill bottle, which further suggests that users might as well dump out as many 2 mg caplets as can fit into their palm and “pop ’em all in there” if nothing really hits them after the first dose. “Repeat every four hours, two hours, or however often you think you need a pick-me-up. Contact your doctor immediately if you go through the entire bottle and still don’t feel any different.” For faster-acting results, an additional sticker on the bottle reportedly urges patients to combine the medication with as many other prescription drugs as they can find.


Jump to next story

Onion Video

Watch More