Man Confident Perfect Dating App Waiting For Him Out There Somewhere

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New Report Finds Humanity 10 Years Away From Something Called Ash Age

TUCSON, AZ—Explaining that the large-scale shift in geologic conditions and social organization would require a new taxonomic classification, researchers at the University of Arizona released a report Tuesday revealing that humanity is approximately 10 years away from something that will be called the Ash Age.

NASA Announces Bold Plan To Still Exist By 2045

WASHINGTON—In what is being described as the most ambitious mission ever undertaken in the space agency’s history, NASA officials announced at a press conference Tuesday their bold new plan to still exist by 2045.
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Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Man Confident Perfect Dating App Waiting For Him Out There Somewhere

RIVERSIDE, CA—Saying that if he keeps searching then the right one is bound to come along sooner or later, 28-year-old local man Carter Ecklund told reporters Tuesday he is confident the perfect dating app is waiting for him somewhere. “I know it might sound naïve, but I really do believe there’s an online dating service out there that was meant for me,” said Ecklund, adding that he remains undiscouraged by the fact that, while many of his friends have already found websites or downloadable apps that seem to make them happy, he himself has struggled to find an internet matchmaking program he feels truly compatible with. “I’ve been with a lot of great sites in the past—one of my subscriptions even lasted more than a year—but for one reason or another they just never seemed to work out. My friends are always telling me there are plenty of dating services out there that would be lucky to have me. It gets frustrating, but I know I just need to keep looking.” At press time, an excited Ecklund informed reporters that he was recently introduced to an online dating site that he could really see himself spending the rest of his life with.


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