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Grandma In Nursing Home Starts Adorable Little Sexual Relationship

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Guantanamo Bay Begins Construction On Senior Care Wing

GUANTANAMO BAY, CUBA—Saying the expansion would ensure the facility is adequately prepared for upcoming challenges, officials at the Guantanamo Bay detention camp announced Wednesday that they had broken ground on a new geriatric care wing.

Dementia Study Reveals Fond Memories First To Go

BALTIMORE—Researchers at Johns Hopkins University published a new study this week on the cognitive effects of Alzheimer’s disease and other deteriorative brain disorders, finding conclusive evidence that dementia sufferers’ fondest memories are nearly always the first to go.

New Hobby To Tide Retired Man Over Until Death

WARNER ROBINS, GA—Saying that it should take up an adequate amount of the 67-year-old’s remaining time on earth, sources confirmed Thursday that local retiree Ned McDowell has chosen gardening as the hobby to tide him over until his death.

Family Fears Grandmother Aware Of Her Surroundings

BEDFORD, NH—Acknowledging a look in her eyes that sometimes makes them think she may actually be registering things, the family of local grandmother Janice Humphries expressed anxiety Tuesday that the 93-year-old nursing home resident might be aware...

Elderly Man Hailed As Alert

AVONDALE, AZ—Seeing him this weekend for the first time since the holidays, the family of local widower Gene Riggs spoke glowingly of the 87-year-old, hailing him as alert and aware of what was going on around him.
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Grandma In Nursing Home Starts Adorable Little Sexual Relationship

PHOENIX—Saying it was nice to know their grandmother had found a companion to spend time with, the family of Desert Spring Assisted Living Home resident Barbara McGann reported Wednesday that the 78-year-old had begun an adorable little sexual relationship with another of the facility’s residents. “It’s so cute the way she and Harold get lunch together every day—I’m glad Nana’s made a friend,” said McGann’s daughter Jane Siebers, referring to the man who has been repeatedly fulfilling her elderly mother’s sexual needs for the past several months. “When she first got there, you could tell she was definitely lonely. But now, she’s always talking about all the fun she and Harold are having at the holiday party, the movie showings, and the other social events they put on there. It’s great she’s found someone to [provide her with frequent sexual pleasure and consistently bring her to climax].” Siebers added that during her most recent visit, her mother appeared the most alert and energetic she’d seen her since her late husband was around to fuck her on the regular.

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