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Social Media

Horrible Facebook Algorithm Accident Results In Exposure To New Ideas

MENLO PARK, CA—Assuring users that the company’s entire team of engineers was working hard to make sure a glitch like this never happens again, Facebook executives confirmed during a press conference Tuesday that a horrible accident last night involving the website’s algorithm had resulted in thousands of users being exposed to new concepts.

Aunt On Facebook Casually Advocates War Crime

WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Arguing that it was time to deal decisively with the threat of terrorism, local aunt Deborah Massey casually advocated a war crime Monday in a brief Facebook post, sources confirmed. “Any city that has ISIS people hiding out in it needs to be bombed to the ground.

How Internet Clickbait Works

Facebook and other sites have recently begun to fight back against “clickbait,” often misleading internet posts designed to be seen by as many readers as possible. The Onion breaks down the production and spread of this content

Man Entirely Different Misogynist Online Than In Real Life

CHATTANOOGA, TN—Explaining how his subtle belittlement and disrespect for women in face-to-face interactions had little in common with the bold, outspoken manner in which he degrades women when he’s on social media or website message boards, sources reported Tuesday that local man Colin McManus is a totally different misogynist online than in real life.

Facebook Clarifies Site Not Intended To Be Users’ Primary Information Source

‘No One Should Really Be On Here More Than 15 Minutes A Day,’ Say Executives

MENLO PARK, CA—Addressing concerns about the site’s alleged bias in how it displays news stories in users’ feeds, Facebook executives held a press conference Thursday to clarify that the social network was not intended to serve as anyone’s primary source of information, and that its 1.6 billion active users should, at most, be spending 15 minutes on the platform in a given day in the first place.

Facebook’s Plans For The Future

From instant articles to live video, Facebook continues to look for new ways to expand its reach and offerings. Here are some plans on the horizon for the social media giant

Twitter Announces There No Trending Topics Today

‘Maybe Something Will Catch On Tomorrow,’ Social Network Says

SAN FRANCISCO—Noting the lack of any social causes, amusing hashtag games, or major news stories currently stimulating public conversations on their site, Twitter officials announced Monday that there are no trending topics today, but suggested that perhaps something might catch on tomorrow.

Guide To Building Your Personal Brand

With the internet becoming more central to people’s personal and professional lives, it’s more important than ever for individuals to build a “personal brand” that markets themselves to the online community. Here are some tips for cultivating a personal brand
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Social Media

The Pros And Cons Of Quitting Social Media

Citing the stress of engaging with sites like Facebook and Instagram, many users deactivate their social media accounts for their emotional well-being, while others enjoy these platforms as a way of connecting with friends and family. The Onion presents the pros and cons of quitting social media:

  • Pro
    • All the colors, brightness of a world unimpeded by Amaro filtering

    • Interactions with colleagues limited to eight hours per day

    • One less barrier between you and friendly strangers on the bus looking to make conversation

    • No longer bound by prohibitive monthly user fees

    • Makes it easier to appreciate all the other organic sources of stress and insecurity life has to offer

    • Only chance to lower Mark Zuckerberg’s net worth by roughly .00000000001 percent

    • Concrete proof that you are a fascinating iconoclast

  • Con
    • Gradual loss of hashtagging, geotagging skills

    • Having to send out invites to your upcoming improv show via courier

    • Potential to become dangerously overconfident without a constant, direct comparison of your life to everyone else’s

    • Endless pining for ex-lover limited to pictures saved on hard drive

    • Unreliable offline metrics as to which House Of Cards character you are

    • Harder to keep in touch with family and friends’ idealized facsimiles

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