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The Pros And Cons Of Quitting Social Media

Citing the stress of engaging with sites like Facebook and Instagram, many users deactivate their social media accounts for their emotional well-being, while others enjoy these platforms as a way of connecting with friends and family. The Onion presents the pros and cons of quitting social media:

Horrible Facebook Algorithm Accident Results In Exposure To New Ideas

MENLO PARK, CA—Assuring users that the company’s entire team of engineers was working hard to make sure a glitch like this never happens again, Facebook executives confirmed during a press conference Tuesday that a horrible accident last night involving the website’s algorithm had resulted in thousands of users being exposed to new concepts.

Aunt On Facebook Casually Advocates War Crime

WILLIAMSPORT, PA—Arguing that it was time to deal decisively with the threat of terrorism, local aunt Deborah Massey casually advocated a war crime Monday in a brief Facebook post, sources confirmed. “Any city that has ISIS people hiding out in it needs to be bombed to the ground.

How Internet Clickbait Works

Facebook and other sites have recently begun to fight back against “clickbait,” often misleading internet posts designed to be seen by as many readers as possible. The Onion breaks down the production and spread of this content

Man Entirely Different Misogynist Online Than In Real Life

CHATTANOOGA, TN—Explaining how his subtle belittlement and disrespect for women in face-to-face interactions had little in common with the bold, outspoken manner in which he degrades women when he’s on social media or website message boards, sources reported Tuesday that local man Colin McManus is a totally different misogynist online than in real life.
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Report: Nothing Stopping You From Deleting Your Facebook Account Right Now

WASHINGTON—Saying the entire process would take you less than a minute, sources reported Friday that there is absolutely nothing at all stopping you from deleting your Facebook account right now. “There’s no reason in the world you can’t go to your Facebook account this very second and erase it completely from the internet,” sources reported, adding that no one is standing in your way and you’ll be happy to move on with your life and never, ever look back. “No one’s permission at all is required for you to visit www.facebook.com/help/delete_account, click the “Delete My Account” button, and verify your password, at which point you will be free from the social media platform for the rest of your life. You can do it. You should do it. Do it right now.” At press time, sources told reporters they were unsurprised you were too fucking weak to pull the trigger.

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