WASHINGTON—Noting that the celestial body lies within the habitable zone of its parent star and could potentially harbor liquid water, NASA officials announced at a press conference Thursday they have discovered an Earth-like planet located outside their funding capabilities.
ARLINGTON, VA—Saying they were committed to ensuring the influential reference text accurately represented all known psychological conditions, leading members of the American Psychiatric Association announced Monday they would update the Diagnostic And Statistical Manual Of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition to accommodate a man who is legitimately being ordered by the moon to kill those around him.
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL—In what experts are calling a breakthrough achievement that is poised to revolutionize American space exploration and telecommunications, NASA announced Friday it has successfully launched its first cordless satellite into orbit.
PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.
WASHINGTON—Saying the finding would further scientists’ understanding of the most remote parts of the universe, NASA astronomers announced at a press conference Thursday that they had discovered a previously unknown cluster of nothingness in deep space.
WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that they only wanted to hear announcements about actual cool stuff in space, millions of impatient Americans flat-out demanded Monday that NASA stop holding all press conferences until they discover some little alien guys.
HOMEDALE, ID—Citing the beings’ conspicuous lack of proficiency at even the most basic tasks and their general air of confusion, local man Travis Porter, 41, reported that his abduction Wednesday night was clearly the aliens’ first.
WASHINGTON—Declaring that this is the last time they ever hope to speak of the aggravatingly enigmatic substance, astronomers from NASA announced Thursday that they are just going to go ahead and say that dark matter is nitrogen.
Nearly 10 years after its launch, the New Horizons space probe made a flyby 7,750 miles from Pluto, marking the first time in history a spacecraft has examined the dwarf planet up close, and NASA has begun to release data and images transmitted from the approach. Here’s what we’ve learned about Pluto so far
WASHINGTON—In what is being described as the most ambitious mission ever undertaken in the space agency’s history, NASA officials announced at a press conference Tuesday their bold new plan to still exist by 2045.
MONROEVILLE, PA—Listing off a litany of structural and technological flaws, the nation’s leading aerospace engineers issued a stern warning Thursday that local 6-year-old Bradley Koenig’s design for a spaceship is entirely unsafe.
WASHINGTON—Fearing that any further delay might prevent their movement from having any meaningful impact, a consortium of leading conservationists confirmed Wednesday it is attempting to get a head start on preserving the planet Mars.
The newly form...
BERKELEY, CA—Offering an alternative explanation for the period of heavy glaciation and lower global temperatures, new evidence published Wednesday by scientists at the University of California suggests that Earth’s most recent ice age was cau...
CLOVIS, NM—Describing him as a normal, well-adjusted individual in nearly every respect, acquaintances of 32-year-old Gary Morgan confirmed Monday that the otherwise reasonable man earnestly believes the U.S.
WASHINGTON—Calling it an unprecedented finding that fundamentally reshapes how humankind views its place in the universe, astronomers from NASA announced Wednesday the discovery of a planet that makes Earth look like absolute shit.
The space agency...
VIENNA—Recognizing its prominent position in the night sky and 4.5 billion years of service to the solar system, the United Nations Office for Outer Space Affairs voted Tuesday to add Venus to the Registry of Historically Significant Planets.
PALO ALTO, CA—Citing the near infinite number of celestial bodies in the known universe, an international panel of scientists at Stanford University released a report this week speculating that any extraterrestrials that exist may have hair entirely...
WASHINGTON—In what many are hailing as the most significant development in the history of space exploration, NASA scientists announced Thursday that a planet seemingly identical to Earth has been discovered by the agency’s Orbital Space Mirror...
PARIS—Commemorating one of the most important scientific findings in human history, astronomers around the world Monday celebrated the 300th anniversary of English physicist Edmund Weaver’s discovery of the sky.
HOUSTON—Saying he deeply regretted his “thoughtless and insensitive” comments, NASA Administrator Charles Bolden announced his resignation as head of the nation’s space agency Tuesday following the disclosure of an email in which h...
WASHINGTON—Confirming that the probe successfully entered orbit around Mars late Sunday night, NASA officials reported today that the Maven spacecraft was now set to begin its mission of taking thousands of high-resolution computer backgrounds.