NFL Week Four Winners & Losers

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Strongside/Weakside: Chip Kelly

Known as one of the most innovative minds in football, Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly has implemented an offense that racks up huge numbers in the loss column. Is he any good?

Billy Crystal Tearfully Admits He’s Never Seen, Been To A Yankees Game

‘I Don’t Even Know What The Yankees Are,’ Crystal Says

NEW YORK—Admitting that he could simply no longer continue living a lie, veteran actor, comedian, and self-professed New York Yankees fanatic Billy Crystal tearfully confessed Thursday that he has never seen or attended a single Yankees game in his life, and indeed has absolutely no idea who or what the Yankees even are.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.

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NFL Week Four Winners & Losers

Onion Sports presents its winners and losers from the fourth week of the 2015 NFL season:


  • Amari Cooper: Stellar play means opponents must now game-plan for the Raiders
  • Dan Quinn: Continued to dangerously play God by giving new life to the Falcons
  • Dallas Cowboys: Kept up the pace in the NFC East with a second straight loss


  • Matt Hasselbeck: The 40-year-old threw the one touchdown left in him on Sunday
  • Cleveland Browns: After a late loss to the Chargers, head coach Mike Pettine was confident that the Browns will put together 60 minutes of solid football over the course of the season
  • New York Jets; Miami Dolphins: Spent entire trip to Europe surrounded by other Americans