Quarterback Better Snap The Ball, Reports Man Nervously Eyeing Play Clock

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Strongside/Weakside: Chip Kelly

Known as one of the most innovative minds in football, Philadelphia Eagles head coach Chip Kelly has implemented an offense that racks up huge numbers in the loss column. Is he any good?

Billy Crystal Tearfully Admits He’s Never Seen, Been To A Yankees Game

‘I Don’t Even Know What The Yankees Are,’ Crystal Says

NEW YORK—Admitting that he could simply no longer continue living a lie, veteran actor, comedian, and self-professed New York Yankees fanatic Billy Crystal tearfully confessed Thursday that he has never seen or attended a single Yankees game in his life, and indeed has absolutely no idea who or what the Yankees even are.
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Quarterback Better Snap The Ball, Reports Man Nervously Eyeing Play Clock

Go, Now

MANSFIELD, OH—Frantically shifting his gaze between the field and play clock as the seconds wound down, local 34-year-old football fan Isaac Collins announced Sunday that the quarterback better hurry the hell up and snap the ball. “C’mon, only eight seconds left—what are you waiting for?” said Collins, carefully eyeing the small play clock graphic in the corner of the screen as the quarterback ran up to the line of scrimmage to call an audible. “Go already! Go!” At press time, Collins had unleashed a stream of expletives after the quarterback finally snapped the ball to a flurry of whistles and penalty flags.