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Sports Year In Review 2010

No One Knows Who Female Star Athlete In Nike Commercial Is

NEW YORK—A recent Nike commercial featuring star players from both the NBA and NFL also includes an evidently prominent African-American female athlete, though sources confirmed Thursday that not a single viewer knows her name or what sport she plays.

16,000 Diamondbacks Fans Killed On Complimentary Rattlesnake Night

PHOENIX—The Arizona Diamondbacks organization apologized to fans, their families, and the community at large Thursday after more than 16,000 people attending the previous night's game were killed by the poisonous Western diamondback rattlesnakes given out as part of Complimentary Rattlesnake Night.

JaMarcus Russell Currently Failing Drug Test

LOS ANGELES—Former Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell is currently in a Los Angeles Police Department bathroom failing a drug test, records will confirm Wednesday when the urine sample undergoes its initial toxicology screening.

164 Closeted Gay Men Having Impressive NFL Preseason

RUTHERFORD, NJ—As the first round of preseason games drew to a close Monday, NFL sources reported that the league's 164 closeted gay players were turning in excellent performances across the board as they battled for roster positions on the league's...

Massive Hit-And-Run Prematurely Ends Tour De France

POMAREZ, FRANCE—The 2010 Tour de France was canceled Friday morning following an incident during Stage 18 in which an unidentified automobile somehow found its way onto the course, struck each competing rider, and sped off without stopping.

Highlights Of George Steinbrenner's Reign

His legacy is a strange mixture of winning baseball and strained relationships, but there's no denying George Steinbrenner was a colorful and remarkable man. We remember his defining moments.

Umpire's Perfect Game Goes Completely Unnoticed

SEATTLE—Mariner fans unknowingly witnessed history Monday when veteran umpire Tony Candeleo became only the 11th umpire in major-league history to call a perfect officiating game, not missing a single strike, ball, or contested out for nine straight...
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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

    ELIZABETH, NJ—Moments after losing his composure with an unwarranted emotional outburst, local father David Kessler reportedly apologized to his son Christopher Thursday for erroneously taking out his anger on him and not his older brother Peter.