YONKERS, NY—Two years into his employment at the fast food eatery, Subway employee Gabe Winthrop reported Thursday that he is still shaken by the earsplitting shrieks made by the sandwiches every time he slices them in two.
NEW YORK—In a press release issued Friday, Olympic gold medal swimmer Michael Phelps publicly apologized to his fans and Americans everywhere after actually tasting one of the Subway sandwiches he endorses.
MURRAY, UT—Ken Jennings, who rose to mid-level fame by winning a record $2.5 million on Jeopardy last year, was erroneously identified as Subway restaurant pitchman Jared Fogle again Monday. "Today a woman at the post office came up and congratulated me for losing all that weight," Jennings said. "That happens all the time. I guess people recognize me from television, but mix up where they saw me." Jennings added that he usually tries to inform people of their mistake in the form of a question: "What is your problem?"
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox
8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC
Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!
TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.
OAK PARK, IL—Swiftly regaining his composure after initially jumping at the sight of flames erupting from the cocktail glass, local bartender Nick Brower confirmed Thursday that he was just going to pretend he had every intention of serving that last drink on fire.
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Pro-Life Demonstrator Clearly Using Image Of Subway Chicken Enchilada Melt On Anti-Abortion Poster