Loophole In Curse Lets Archaeologist Off The Hook

Top Headlines

supernatural

Monster Got Tina

OKEECHOBEE SWAMPS, FL—According to sources, the monster got Tina, 18, despite her having been right behind the other remaining survivors...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Area Man

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.

Loophole In Curse Lets Archaeologist Off The Hook

CUZCO, PERU—Mystic spirits guarding Sacsayhuamán Archaeological Park acknowledged Tuesday that a loophole in a centuries-old hex had allowed archaeologist Brian Bauer to violate the site's subterranean catacombs without being cursed. "When Professor Bauer entered the forsaken necropolis and disturbed the earthly remains of the fearsome warlord Lloque Yupanqui, a series of unspeakable horrors should have been visited upon him by the ancient forces of evil," said a spokesman for the temple guardians, explaining that because the spirits had left the sarcophagus lid slightly ajar, Bauer technically did not open it, as required by the curse. "While he did not violate the actual letter of the deathly incantations muttered within these walls ages ago, he certainly disrespected their intent. Let all mortals be warned that we are resealing the tomb and carefully reviewing all demon-conjuring bas-relief inscriptions to ensure that, going forward, no act of this kind goes uncursed." At press time, the spirits were deciphering the strange, forgotten language of a corollary to the original hex, hoping it would at least provide a sound basis for them to wreak grave misfortunes upon Professor Bauer's prospects for securing tenure next term.

Next Story