Vending Machine Most Up-To-Date Technology In School

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World Begins Another Day At Mercy Of 19-Year-Old Estonian Hacker

TALLINN, ESTONIA—With the private data of national governments and entire global industries at his fingertips, sources confirmed this morning that yet another day had begun with the whole world helplessly at the mercy of 19-year-old Estonian computer hacker Jüri Pevkur.
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Coworkers Pull Off Daring One-Hour Lunch Break

TUCSON, AZ—Saying they couldn’t believe such a wild exploit had even been attempted, employees at local marketing firm Synergy Media Services told reporters they were still completely dumbfounded Thursday after account manager Tim Gibbons managed to pull off a daring one-hour lunch break.

Vending Machine Most Up-To-Date Technology In School

ST. LOUIS—Noting the modern interface and newly installed software, sources confirmed Tuesday that the vending machine in Kenwood High School’s cafeteria is the most up-to-date technology in the school. “This thing is great,” said 10th-grade Kenwood High student Charles Pilsen, referring to the school’s only touchscreen-enabled device, which also features a computer with a high-speed processor and wireless connectivity. “It’s so awesome to watch it suction up the snack and drop it down into the bin. The best part is you can pay with cash, a credit card, or a smartphone.” At press time, the vending machine was temporarily unavailable as a service technician performed routine maintenance to ensure that the device was functioning properly.


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