adBlockCheck

teenagers

Teens Throwing Rocks At Overgrown, Long-Vacant Supreme Court Seat

WASHINGTON—Trading legends they had heard about the old chair as they gathered together a safe distance from the abandoned, dilapidated structure, a group of neighborhood teens reportedly stopped while passing through Capitol Hill this afternoon and spent several minutes throwing rocks at the heavily overgrown, long-vacant Supreme Court seat.

Ronald McDonald Statue Bears Full Brunt Of Teenagers’ Mockery

CLEVELAND—Remaining stoically silent throughout the barrage of vicious insults, unsavory accusations, and various other indignities directed at it, a statue of Ronald McDonald seated on a bench outside the fast-food chain’s Clark Avenue location is said to have borne the full force of a group of teenagers’ mockery Thursday.

How To Talk To Your Teen About Depression

Nearly one in five teens experiences depression, but parents can find it difficult to broach the subject. Here are The Onion’s tips for talking to your teen about depression:

High School Nurse Getting Pretty Good At Spotting Morning Sickness

FAIRFIELD, ME―Having seen more students than she can remember come into her office with complaints of nausea and vomiting over the years, Fairfield High School nurse Sarah Bromti told reporters Wednesday she’s getting to the point where she can identify morning sickness without much trouble.

Sex Ed Vs. Abstinence-Only Education

With many states still defending their right to withhold information on sex from public school curricula, Americans are left to weigh the relative benefits of explicit sexual education programs versus those that teach only abstinence and promote health through celibacy. Here is a side-by-side comparison of what these programs offer:

Teen Coming Out Of Shell Giving Bully Lots Of New Material To Work With

SCOTTSDALE, AZ—Claiming he “hit the jackpot” when his victim began displaying an increased level of confidence and expressing his personal interests, local bully David Macomber told reporters Tuesday that he has had loads of new material to work with since 14-year-old Andrew Reid started coming out of his shell several weeks ago.

Top Prom Trends For 2015

Prom season is a time for high school students to plan elaborate proposals, shop for fashionable formalwear, and arrange blowout events in the effort to make prom a night to remember. Here are this year’s most popular prom trends
End Of Section
  • More News

Study: Depression Up Among Teenage Girls Able To Perceive Any Part Of World Around Them

WALTHAM, MA—Calling it nothing short of a mental health crisis for the group, a study published Monday in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that depression was up sharply among teenage girls able to perceive any part of the world around them. “Our research has shown a significant increase in anxiety and depression among 13- to 19-year-old girls who are capable of taking in stimuli from their surroundings and processing them into an understanding of the outside world,” said study author Natalie Ogilvy, adding that an ability to observe day-to-day existence, comprehend media, or register any of their own personal experiences were among some of the strongest predictors of emotional difficulties for teenage girls­. “In addition, we noticed even more pronounced depressive symptoms among female adolescents who not only can perceive their environment, but who also have the capacity to retain memories of what they have witnessed. Teenage girls who are able to imagine themselves even seconds into their future circumstances were the most vulnerable of them all.” While depression peaked among teenage girls able to perceive the world around them, the researchers also found that it manifested itself in early childhood or even infancy, particularly among newborn girls able to open their eyes.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close