Stupid 16-Year-Old Completely Wasting Adderall Prescription On Mental Health

Top Headlines

teenagers

Top Prom Trends For 2015

Prom season is a time for high school students to plan elaborate proposals, shop for fashionable formalwear, and arrange blowout events in the effort to make prom a night to remember. Here are this year’s most popular prom trends
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

House and Home

  • Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

    YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

Stupid 16-Year-Old Completely Wasting Adderall Prescription On Mental Health

ACTON, MA—Ingesting a single 15 mg pill of the medication at the start of every school day, local 16-year-old moron Josh Wagner is completely wasting his Adderall prescription on his mental health, flabbergasted sources reported Wednesday. “Instead of moving 30 tablets a week at 10 bucks a pop, this dum-dum is taking a quick-release Addy before homeroom just to help him concentrate in math class—what a fucking moron,” classmate Dave Hoster said of the unbelievable idiot currently flushing $300 down the drain to treat a variety of ADD symptoms. “He could pull in $1,500 a semester easy, and that’s not even including what he’d get during the SATs. This guy’s easily the biggest dumbass on campus.” At press time, sources reported that Wagner had hit the jackpot when his doctor wrote him a prescription for coveted 20 mg tablets but would probably blow the whole thing on getting through the day without fidgeting uncontrollably.