Stupid 16-Year-Old Completely Wasting Adderall Prescription On Mental Health

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Top Prom Trends For 2015

Prom season is a time for high school students to plan elaborate proposals, shop for fashionable formalwear, and arrange blowout events in the effort to make prom a night to remember. Here are this year’s most popular prom trends
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Area Man

Terrifying Uniformed Bachelorette Party Storms Local Bar

TACOMA, WA—Bursting into the establishment seemingly out of nowhere and overtaking it within a matter of moments, a terrifying uniformed bachelorette party stormed local pub Casey’s Saloon Friday night, onlookers reported.

Fantasy Sports

FIFA Frantically Announces 2015 Summer World Cup In United States

Global Soccer Tournament To Kick Off In America Later This Afternoon

ZURICH—After the Justice Department indicted numerous executives from world soccer’s governing body on charges of corruption and bribery, frantic and visibly nervous officials from FIFA held an impromptu press conference Wednesday to announce that the United States has been selected to host this summer’s 2015 World Cup.

Stupid 16-Year-Old Completely Wasting Adderall Prescription On Mental Health

ACTON, MA—Ingesting a single 15 mg pill of the medication at the start of every school day, local 16-year-old moron Josh Wagner is completely wasting his Adderall prescription on his mental health, flabbergasted sources reported Wednesday. “Instead of moving 30 tablets a week at 10 bucks a pop, this dum-dum is taking a quick-release Addy before homeroom just to help him concentrate in math class—what a fucking moron,” classmate Dave Hoster said of the unbelievable idiot currently flushing $300 down the drain to treat a variety of ADD symptoms. “He could pull in $1,500 a semester easy, and that’s not even including what he’d get during the SATs. This guy’s easily the biggest dumbass on campus.” At press time, sources reported that Wagner had hit the jackpot when his doctor wrote him a prescription for coveted 20 mg tablets but would probably blow the whole thing on getting through the day without fidgeting uncontrollably.

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