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Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.

The Onion’s Beach Bag Essentials

Each summer, Americans flock to the coasts to enjoy the sun and waves. Here are the beach bag must-haves you should never head to the shore without.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Innovations In Public Transportation

The Chicago “L” began operating 125 years ago today and became the nation’s first rapid transit system. The Onion looks back on some of the most important innovations in the history of public transportation.

Greyhound To Send Chimps On Pioneering Bus Trip From Buffalo To Atlantic City

Interstate Voyage Seen As Step Toward One Day Placing Humans On Route

DALLAS—In order to assess the viability of the route for potential travel by human beings, Greyhound officials announced at a press conference Wednesday a mission that will send a pair of chimpanzees on a pioneering 457-mile overland bus trip from Buffalo, NY to Atlantic City, NJ.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.
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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Innovations In Public Transportation

The Chicago “L” began operating 125 years ago today and became the nation’s first rapid transit system. The Onion looks back on some of the most important innovations in the history of public transportation.

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