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Disney World Opens New Ordeal Kingdom For Family Meltdowns

BAY LAKE, FL—Touting the new property’s wide variety of unique and imaginative attractions, representatives from the Walt Disney World Resort announced Monday the opening of Ordeal Kingdom, a new theme park specifically designed for full-scale family meltdowns.

Tips For Traveling With Young Children

Family vacations can be a time for bonding and building lasting memories, but when young children are involved, trips can also be stressful to plan and execute. Here are The Onion’s tips for traveling with kids

Tips For Cheaper Airfare

Whether the busy travel season, fuel prices, or airline collusion is to blame, airfare is currently very pricey, making traveling more difficult. The Onion walks you through some ways to reduce the cost of flying

Keeping Your Possessions Safe While Traveling

Traveling during the summer can be fun and exhilarating, but nothing ruins a trip like getting your possessions stolen. Whether you’re hiking, road-tripping, or relaxing at a resort, here are some tips for making sure your items are safe during your travels:

Parents Worried Children Old Enough To Remember Family Vacation

YOUNGSTOWN, OH—Fearing that their kids’ impressions of the experience could quite possibly remain with them for the rest of their lives, parents Joel and Bethany Weyandt told reporters Tuesday they are worried their children are old enough to remember the details of their recent family vacation.

Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.
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Budget Travel Tips

With the bloated cost of airfare and hotels, many people are looking to save on travel however they can. Here are The Onion’s tips for planning a memorable vacation without overspending:

  • Before booking your trip, pinpoint the love of your life so as to have someone with whom to split expenses.
  • Avoid airline baggage fees by swallowing a condom filled with toiletries at the security checkpoint.
  • Many discounts are aimed at school-age children and seniors, so avoid traveling anytime during the prime years of your life.
  • Deter pickpockets by wearing a money belt that will make them embarrassed to be seen anywhere near you.
  • Consider buying a used guidebook. Yugoslavia probably hasn’t changed much since 1990 anyway.
  • Stay in Venice, but eat in Slovenia.
  • If you meet certain criteria, it may be possible to have your travel expenses subsidized by an organization such as Birthright or the Marine Corps.
  • Mention promo code “CAPITAL” at the currency exchange booth for special two-for-one rates!

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