Historians Piece Together Carnival East India Company’s First Cruise In 1605

LONDON—Working from recently discovered ships’ logs and archaeological findings, a team of historians announced Monday they had pieced together a detailed account of the Carnival East India Company’s maiden cruise—the very first seafaring journey to the Far East dedicated solely to the enjoyment and entertainment of its passengers.

Mom On Vacation Marveling At Time Difference Compared To Home

SAN DIEGO—Having already pointed out when everyone back home was getting off work and when the local nightly news was starting, area mother Pam Westin spent much of the first day of her family’s week-long California vacation marveling at the time difference compared to where they lived, sources confirmed Tuesday.

The TSA’s Plans For Improvement

The Transportation Security Administration has pledged to revamp its processes in response to recent record-setting airport lines and wait times. Here are some ways in which the TSA plans to improve

Budget Travel Tips

With the bloated cost of airfare and hotels, many people are looking to save on travel however they can. Here are The Onion’s tips for planning a memorable vacation without overspending.

Disney World Opens New Ordeal Kingdom For Family Meltdowns

BAY LAKE, FL—Touting the new property’s wide variety of unique and imaginative attractions, representatives from the Walt Disney World Resort announced Monday the opening of Ordeal Kingdom, a new theme park specifically designed for full-scale family meltdowns.

Tips For Traveling With Young Children

Family vacations can be a time for bonding and building lasting memories, but when young children are involved, trips can also be stressful to plan and execute. Here are The Onion’s tips for traveling with kids

Tips For Cheaper Airfare

Whether the busy travel season, fuel prices, or airline collusion is to blame, airfare is currently very pricey, making traveling more difficult. The Onion walks you through some ways to reduce the cost of flying
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Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

  • Before booking, inform the staff up-front if you’re one of those assholes who reviews everything online.

  • Let the desk agent know at check-in what time you plan on managing to lose every last room key they gave you.

  • Avoid disturbing other guests by whispering your threats directly into the ear of any underperforming porter.

  • Always wear appropriate attire—tuxedo or dark suit for men, black dress for women—while visiting the make-your-own waffle station.

  • When ordering room service, it’s customary to tip the elevator engineer for his assistance in bringing you piping-hot lobster bisque at 11:45 p.m.

  • Make the jobs of the kitchen and housekeeping staff easier by cleaning up after yourself and helping them unionize.

  • Keep the facilities sanitary by scrubbing down the pool after you’re done using it.

  • Be cordial and polite to all employees, even if they can’t meet your every need. They didn’t plan on ending up at a Hampton Inn either.


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