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Nation Fondly Recalls When Just Regulating Video Games Seemed Like Solution To Gun Violence

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Breaking: Adam Got A PS4 For Christmas

He Got ‘Battlefront’ Too

DANVILLE, CA—Saying that the 10-year-old was so freaking lucky, sources in Mrs. Burnett’s homeroom class confirmed Monday that local 5th-grader Adam Samuels got a PlayStation 4 for Christmas and Star Wars Battlefront, too.

PlayStation 4 vs. Xbox One

Sony and Microsoft are launching their hotly anticipated next-generation video gaming consoles this month, with the PlayStation 4 going on sale on Nov.

Console Wars Heat Up As Zenith Unveils Gamespace Pro

LINCOLNSHIRE, IL—With next-generation video game systems such as the Xbox One and the Playstation 4 hitting stores later this month, the console wars got even hotter today as electronics manufacturer Zenith announced the release of its own console, ...

New Features Of ‘Grand Theft Auto V’

The latest installment of the Grand Theft Auto video game series launches Tuesday. Here are a few of the new features gamers can look forward to: 15-hour opening cinematic scene Character now sometimes steps in gum Users can unlock one fre...

Features Of ‘Madden 25’

With Electronic Arts releasing Madden NFL 25 this week, Onion Sports examines the new and innovative features of the popular football video game series. Over 30 new running moves that you’ll never figure out how to use Four-player coo...

Nintendo Entertainment System Turns 30

The original version of the Nintendo Entertainment System, known as the Famicom or Nintendo Family Computer, first became available in Japan 30 years ago this month.

Tecmo Bowl–Winning Bulldogs Visit White House

WASHINGTON—President Barack Obama hosted the Tecmo Bowl champion Bulldogs at the White House Thursday, honoring the team for their stunning victory over the heavily favored Wildcats. Obama, who met with the players and coach BOB and provided a guide...

Features Of The Xbox One

Windows XP operating system Will offer new titles in such popular Xbox series as Ace Combat, Kane & Lynch, Crash Time, and Call of Juarez Xbox Hat—Say the words “Xbox Hat” out loud and a large ima...
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Nightlife

Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

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Entertainment

  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Nation Fondly Recalls When Just Regulating Video Games Seemed Like Solution To Gun Violence

WASHINGTON—Faced with seemingly ceaseless debates over how to curb the rampant number of shootings occurring across the country, millions of Americans took a brief moment Thursday to fondly look back at a time when simply regulating video games seemed like the best solution to gun violence. “You know, there was a brief period when slapping a ‘Mature’ sticker on the cover of a violent video game was the single, clear-cut way to end all gun-related deaths in America,” said Annalise Wexler of Los Altos, CA, who went on to nostalgically reminisce about the then-widely held belief that prohibiting the sale of first-person shooter games to children without parental permission appeared to be a totally concrete and comprehensive preventative measure against mass shootings. “Forget trying to figure out how to expand access to mental health services, enforce more stringent background checks in all 50 states, or restrict the sale of military-grade assault weapons and bulk ammunition—back then we figured we could just ban death metal music and call it a day. Man, those were good times.” Many Americans also admitted to reporters that they desperately miss the bygone era when they could blame anyone but themselves for perpetuating gun violence by electing officials who refuse to pass stricter gun control laws.

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