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NRA Says Mass Shootings Just The Unfortunate Price Of Protecting People’s Freedom To Commit Mass Shootings

FAIRFAX, VA—In the aftermath of a shooting in Las Vegas that left at least 58 people dead and more than 500 wounded, National Rifle Association officials said Monday that mass shootings are just the unfortunate price of protecting people’s freedom to commit mass shootings. “What happened in Las Vegas is a horrific…

Warning On Police Body Camera Footage Cautions Viewer They About To See Pretty Much Exactly What They’d Expect

KANSAS CITY, MO—Providing a brief warning before the footage began playing, several lines of text that preceded a three-minute video clip from a police officer’s body camera reportedly informed viewers Monday they were about to see pretty much exactly what they’d expect. “Warning: This video contains precisely what…

American Public Clarifies Rational, Measured Response To This Terror Threat Doesn’t Preclude Panicked Overreaction In Future

NEW YORK—Following the quick identification and arrest of a suspect in this weekend’s series of bombings in New York and New Jersey that injured 29 people, the American public sought to make it clear Monday that their rational, measured response to this act of terrorism did not preclude them from having a panicked…

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Dianne Feinstein Horrified After New Gun Control Bill Disintegrates Immediately Upon Crossing Into Senate Chamber

WASHINGTON—Staring down in shock at her empty hands where the piece of legislation had been only seconds earlier, Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) was reportedly left horrified Monday after her gun control bill disintegrated immediately upon crossing into the Senate chamber. “I was just walking in from my office holding…