Beautiful Spring Day No Match For Last 35 Years Of Man’s Life

LITTLE ROCK, AR—Nullified almost immediately by the collective force of decades’ worth of resentment and disappointment, a bright and beautiful spring day was said to be no match for the past 35 years of local man Thomas Unger’s life, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Area Dad Stares Longingly At Covered Grill In Backyard

‘I Haven’t Forgotten You,’ Father Softly Whispers

EUCLID, OH—Placing his right palm against the glass of the sliding back door as he softly whispered reassurances to the device, local father Paul Chesney, 48, spent nearly an hour Tuesday gazing longingly at the covered grill in his backyard, family sources reported.

Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.

Snow Shoveling Tips

In the midst of heavy winter blizzards, digging yourself out of the drifts can be both an inconvenient chore and a dangerous task linked to fatigue and heart attacks.

Family Lets Cars Come Inside House During Snowstorm

AMHERST, MA—In anticipation of significant snow accumulation and frigid temperatures brought on by a massive winter storm, the Wallace family reportedly decided to let their cars come inside the house Monday to keep warm during the blizzard.

Blizzard Survival Tips

Meteorologists are forecasting that a major blizzard will hit the Northeast starting Monday night, with more than two feet of snow potentially shutting down roads and keeping residents from New Jersey to Maine stuck in their homes.

Police Say Conditions Too Nippy To Rescue Missing Hiker

VAIL, CO—Noting that there was definitely a chill in the air, law enforcement officials confirmed Thursday that conditions were too nippy to continue search and rescue operations for Kyle Higgins, a 27-year-old hiker who has been missing for two day...

The Lasting Impact Of Climate Change

A new report released by the U.N. illustrated the wide-ranging effects that rising temperatures will have on the environment unless restrictions are placed on greenhouse gas emissions.
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Authorities Urge Florida Residents To Prevent Further Disasters By Finally Standing Up To Hurricane

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Saying they had put up with the destruction inflicted by gale-force winds and storm surges for much too long, government officials urged Florida residents Thursday to put an end to disasters once and for all by standing up to Hurricane Matthew. “No more running; no more hiding—it’s time for Floridians to come together in solidarity and confront this Category 4 storm head-on by finally saying ‘Enough is enough,’” said Florida governor Rick Scott, stressing that the state’s residents would no longer let themselves be pushed around by violent tropical cyclones and noting that it was long past due for them to put on a brave face, stand firm against the 140-mph gusts, and show the massive rotating storm systems that they would not be intimidated. “If we ever want our state to be safe and secure, we cannot simply cower in fear inside evacuation centers every time we’re threatened by high winds and 20 inches of rain. Eventually, we must stand tall, look these tropical cyclones right in the eye, and tell them to stop right now.” Authorities added that if strongly worded language did not prove sufficient, citizens should be prepared to use physical force to fight the hurricane.


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