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Report: Mom Saw Car That Slid Off Road Into Ditch

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Area Dad Stares Longingly At Covered Grill In Backyard

‘I Haven’t Forgotten You,’ Father Softly Whispers

EUCLID, OH—Placing his right palm against the glass of the sliding back door as he softly whispered reassurances to the device, local father Paul Chesney, 48, spent nearly an hour Tuesday gazing longingly at the covered grill in his backyard, family sources reported.

Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.

Snow Shoveling Tips

In the midst of heavy winter blizzards, digging yourself out of the drifts can be both an inconvenient chore and a dangerous task linked to fatigue and heart attacks.

Family Lets Cars Come Inside House During Snowstorm

AMHERST, MA—In anticipation of significant snow accumulation and frigid temperatures brought on by a massive winter storm, the Wallace family reportedly decided to let their cars come inside the house Monday to keep warm during the blizzard.

Blizzard Survival Tips

Meteorologists are forecasting that a major blizzard will hit the Northeast starting Monday night, with more than two feet of snow potentially shutting down roads and keeping residents from New Jersey to Maine stuck in their homes.

Police Say Conditions Too Nippy To Rescue Missing Hiker

VAIL, CO—Noting that there was definitely a chill in the air, law enforcement officials confirmed Thursday that conditions were too nippy to continue search and rescue operations for Kyle Higgins, a 27-year-old hiker who has been missing for two day...

The Lasting Impact Of Climate Change

A new report released by the U.N. illustrated the wide-ranging effects that rising temperatures will have on the environment unless restrictions are placed on greenhouse gas emissions.

Determined Restaurant Patrons Tough It Out On Chilly Patio

CHICAGO—Steeling themselves against the occasional breeze and the cold of the wrought iron table and chairs against their skin, a group of determined restaurant-goers reportedly braved the slightly chilly temperature Thursday and dined on the outdoo...

Why Has This Winter Been So Harsh?

The central and eastern parts of the United States are currently suffering through one of the coldest winters on record, with the so-called polar vortex returning yet again this week to the Midwest and Northeast.

Inclement Weather Prevents Liar From Getting To Work

PROVIDENCE, RI—In spite of his best efforts to brave the ongoing winter storm and freezing temperatures, the inclement weather currently affecting the Northeast has left Providence-area liar Tim Carlson unable to commute to his office, the habitual ...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Report: Mom Saw Car That Slid Off Road Into Ditch

ROCKVILLE, MD—Warning that it’s really getting nasty out there right now, local mother Diane Burchill, 56, reported Friday that she saw a car that slid off the road and into a ditch. “I was driving home on Route 28 and passed a minivan that had gone right off the road and down into a ditch,” said Burchill, further confirming that cars were moving slowly near the scene of the accident. “You know it always gets slippery along that stretch. I saw the driver outside waiting for the tow truck. Poor thing. This is why I hate driving in this weather.” Sources confirmed the accident was not too far from where Burchill had seen a very large tree branch that had fallen after a thunderstorm last summer.

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