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A Primer On North Korea

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‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.
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A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture:

  • ECONOMY

    The nation’s growing industrial sector is capable of supporting a population of well over 75 people

  • NOTABLE PEOPLE

    Supreme Leader Kim Il-sung; Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il; Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un

  • CRIME

    Nation suffering from a crippling wave of unapproved haircuts

  • EDUCATION

    Often preceded by “forced re-”

  • ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT

    Rich cinematic tradition of both state-approved propaganda and hidden-camera documentaries

  • CUISINE

    Food largely considered a delicacy

  • NATURAL RESOURCES

    Geological pressure on bones in mass graves full of dissidents will produce surplus of oil in approximately 40,000 years

  • PRIMARY EXPORT

    Fleeing citizens

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