Airplane, fixed-wing flying vehicle invented in 1903 that has made it impossible to avoid returning home for Christmas, Thanksgiving, weddings, funerals, or any other event, no matter how far away it is. Airplanes counter the force of gravity by using either static lift or the dynamic lift of an airfoil, which completely eliminates any excuse one might have not to travel 1,500 miles for Labor Day weekend even though they were just home for the Fourth of July and really would like to take an actual vacation for themselves one of these days. The ability of the airplane to safely and swiftly cover large distances has allowed millions to fly all the way in from San Diego for Mother’s Day, which isn’t even a major holiday, or attend their sister’s baby shower when everyone knows there’s no fucking way she’d do the same for them. No fucking way.

From The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge