Baby, small biological offspring of a human mating pair, both of whom need to just take a minute and think this whole thing through rationally. Babies exit the womb before they are fully physically developed, making them extremely vulnerable and requiring of constant care, protection, and all kinds of vaccinations and checkups, which means more expensive doctor bills and insurance premiums on top of everything else. Unlike most mammals, babies are also born without the ability to feed themselves, which is a huge pain in the ass, or to move around, which is actually kind of a blessing since that would be an absolute nightmare in an apartment this small. Can you imagine? Shortly after birth, newborns, who are more trouble than they are worth and whom, by the way, you are responsible for until you die, discharge a black sticky substance that I can only imagine your mother trying to clean up. Because she’ll just have to be here for the birth, even though she hasn’t visited in, what, two years? Newborns are fragile and often gray-blue in color and unable to breathe at first, which is completely understandable since you seem to suffocate everyone in your goddamn life. Additionally, babies are not some kind of fucking pet, and don’t lie to me. I know about Roger.
Articles under "Baby"
Home More Or Less Baby-Proofed
A company called Sproutling has introduced a $250 wearable baby monitor that fits around the infant’s ankle and records vital signs like heart rate ...
Health officials in Australia are investigating a new cookbook for infants titled Bubba Yum Yum: The Paleo Way For New Mums, Babies And Toddlers, which ...
We get all the latest Hollywood gossip from a boy who definitely knows what sex is and how it works.
The embattled Bears head coach adopted a one-year-old girl from Vietnam to save his relationship with Bears’ players and front office.
That Definitely The Last Thing Jewish Baby Was Expecting
Proud Parents Watch As Baby Forms First Brand Loyalties
6-Year-Old Loses First Baby Finger
The Los Angeles Zoo was surprised this week when a 10-year-old hippo named Mara, who was on birth control, gave birth to the zoo’s ...