Food, any substance that is ingested by an organism to supply its body with nutrients, or to stimulate critical phases of growth and development within the organism, or because it just tastes good even though the organism isn’t really all that hungry, or because there’s only a little left in the package. Typically consisting of plant or animal matter, food is instinctively sought and consumed by an organism to provide itself with energy, or because the organism’s boyfriend just left for good, or to kill time while the organism waits for a connecting flight, or to regulate the organism’s metabolic activity, or because the organism works at a restaurant and it’s basically free, or because the organism’s aunt made a lot and turning it down would make her feel bad, or, in certain instances, because the organism used to have issues with bingeing and still occasionally slips. At its most basic level, food is ingested to maintain life-sustaining functions, often because an organism anticipates getting absolutely hammered later in the night and needs something to absorb all the alcohol.

From The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge