Friendship, relationship in which two random people walk up to each other and loudly say, “We are friends!” in unison. After the friendship is established in this manner, the new friends then check every day to see if both parties wish to continue the friendship. This discussion is usually conducted via a short telephone call during which one friend asks the other, “Do you still want to be friends?” If either friend answers in the negative, the friendship is dissolved, but if both answer in the affirmative, a friendship activity can be planned, the most common of which involves the two friends sitting across from each other, staring in complete silence for approximately two hours. On Sundays and weekdays, friendships begin at 10:30 a.m. and end for the night at 8:30 p.m., and on Fridays and Saturdays they end at 11:00 p.m.

From The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge