God, all-knowing, all-powerful entity responsible for the blooming of flowers, the setting of the sun, the feeling one experiences when sitting down to enjoy a nice, gently toasted tuna sandwich, war, murder, retarded kids, humanity in general, hurricanes, Major Ogilvie’s 1980 Sugar Bowl MVP performance, that hilarious joke about the three priests on a rapidly sinking ship, plaster, snowfall on a starlit night, fear, Buddhism, the mean-spirited falsetto voice your coworkers use to mock you when you’re not around, wheat, love, leukemia, DVDs, the bizarre combination of resentment and devotion that children feel toward their parents, and more than 15 varieties of pie.

From The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge