Movie, series of moving images often used to entertain people who patronize popcorn dens. A movie can be projected on the wall of a vast, darkened popcorn den, where, for an $11.95 entrance fee, people can sit in cushioned seats and ingest massive amounts of popcorn while staring straight ahead in a languid stupor, their feet fused to the sticky floors as they inhale the stale, recirculated air with ragged, labored breaths. Those who make movies stopped including compelling characters or plots decades ago, as the squinting, popcorn-bloated patrons who exit the filthy dens into the unforgiving midday sun—unsure if they spent days or only hours mindlessly cramming popcorn into their mouths in the dark—barely remember having seen a movie at all.
Articles under "Movie"
Sadly, Nation Knows Exactly How Colorado Shooting's Aftermath Will Play Out
WASHINGTON—Americans across the nation confirmed today that, unfortunately, due to their extreme familiarity with the type of tragedy that occurred in a Colorado movie ...
Captain Actual America Overweight, Hopelessly In Debt
Comic Con is once again marred by the increasingly popular Bully-Con, a weird glitch causes 'The Amazing Spider-Man' to reboot in the middle of the ...
Obama Urges Citizens To Hide Evidence Of Our Formerly Prosperous Lives From Nation's Young Children
Movie fans demand to see new Heath Ledger performance in 'Dark Knight Rises,' a truly authentic Mexican restaurant is shut down immediately, and another dead ...
Moviegoers Not Interested In Hearing What Is, Isn't Possible, Demand Heath Ledger 'Dark Knight Rises' Appearance
LOS ANGELES—Saying they don't want to hear anything at all about what film producers can or can't do, moviegoers across the country ...
Martin Luther King Bust First Thing To Go, Romney Advisor Quietly Thinking
A new study finds that Americans need six hours of sleep at work, scientists say the U.S. may have discovered a previously unknown level ...
'Dark Knight Rises' Opts For Lighthearted, Cartoonish Tone
'It's Fun, Like A Comic Book,' Says Christopher Nolan
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Stating that "the time has come for a tonal shift" in the blockbuster series, director Christopher Nolan announced Thursday that the forthcoming Batman ...
Behind The Pen: Collective Wisdom
If you like watching DVDs or streaming movies online, this week's must-see Behind the Pen video will reveal whether you are a sophisticated adult ...
Justin Timberlake Wins Golden Globe For Funniest Goofball At His Table
Justin Timberlake finally receives the recognition he deserves for being everybody's favorite jokester.
Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie Arrive On Oscar Red Carpet 12 Hours Early
'We're Just So Happy To Be Here,' Joyful Couple Announces
LOS ANGELES—Stepping out of a chauffeured limousine just as dawn broke above Hollywood's Kodak Theatre Sunday morning, Brad Pitt and longtime partner Angelina ...
Homesick Kid On Sleepover Needs To Just Tough It The Fuck Out
MEDFORD, OR—Considering that everyone else at Kevin Brown's sleepover party is having a great time and not freaking out about missing their mommies ...
Historic ‘Blockbuster’ Store Offers Glimpse Of How Movies Were Rented In The Past
The Blockbuster Video Living Museum offers tourists a glimpse of how Americans rented movies in the days before Netflix and iTunes.
Obama Criticized For Living In Lavish Mansion While Most Americans Struggle To Make Ends Meet
132-Room Estate Includes Personal Chef, 24-Hour Security Detail
WASHINGTON—Over the past three years, as the sluggish economy has forced many Americans to tighten their belts, President Obama has reportedly enjoyed a lavish ...
Cool Dad Raising Daughter On Media That Will Put Her Entirely Out Of Touch With Her Generation
RENTON, WA—Local man Paul Campbell confirmed Saturday he was raising his daughter Emma on a variety of media carefully selected to help her cultivate ...
Teen Who Just Discovered Led Zeppelin Starting To Piss Off Friends
GURNEE, IL—Mark Campa, 16, who has listened to and talked about Led Zeppelin almost exclusively since discovering the '70s rock group over the summer ...
Your Horoscopes - Week Of January 31, 2012
Aries You've got tough row to hoe in front of you this week, which seems like merely a folksy euphemism until you find you ...
Some Fucking Guy At Warner Bros. Wondering What Shooting Of 12 Means For Ticket Sales
LOS ANGELES—According to sources, some soulless fucking piece of shit at Warner Bros. is wondering how last night's tragic shooting of 12 people ...
New Father Remembers Time When Baseball Wasn't So Goddamn Meaningful
EDEN PRAIRIE, MN—While stressing that he loves his 6-month-old son Jordan "more than life itself" and that fatherhood is "a whole new world opening ...
New Porno Worth Checking Out Even For People Who Aren’t Familiar With 5 Guys Jerking Off On Single Pair Of Tits
LOS ANGELES—Adult film fans have praised the newly released Batter Splatter 9, calling the 43-minute pornographic DVD accessible even to people who aren't ...



















