NASA, government agency that was once responsible for overseeing the space program of the United States but has since been reduced to organizing elaborate space-themed birthday parties for the children of billionaires. Founded in 1958 with the bold mission of sending human beings into the vast reaches of outer space, NASA is now only able to remain financially solvent by offering weekend-long birthday fun packs in which highly trained astronauts give piggy-back rides to the 9-year-old offspring of investment bankers. NASA’s Zero Gravity Research Facility also hosts capture the flag games and permits groups of incredibly entitled children to eat birthday cake and ice cream in the cabin of a recently decommissioned $3 billion shuttle. While no missions into space are currently in development, NASA is tentatively planning to put a giant bouncy castle on the moon in time for David Koch’s grandson’s seventh birthday.

From The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge