New York Yankees, powerful New York City–based financial institution. With diverse holdings in such lucrative areas as entertainment, merchandising, and food and alcohol concessions, and a reputation for making ruthless, often hostile high-end trade deals, the New York Yankees corporation grosses hundreds of millions of dollars a year. While high-ranking New York Yankees employees are among the most lavishly compensated in their field, they are often publicly criticized for incompetence, underperformance, and substance abuse, and recently the conglomerate has struggled to deliver on the annual promises of success it makes to its ignorant and violence-prone consumer base.
Articles under "New York Yankees"
Derek Jeter Admits He Only Plays The Game The Right Way For The Pussy
NEW YORK—New York Yankees shortstop and eventual first-ballot Hall of Famer Derek Jeter admitted to reporters Monday that the only reason he plays baseball ...
Yankees Blame Slow Start On It Being A 162-Game Season So Calm The Fuck Down
NEW YORK—After losing their first three games and needing extra innings to beat the lowly Baltimore Orioles, the 3-3 New York Yankees addressed the ...
Seattle Mariners Hope Jesus Montero Can Get Good Enough To One Day Sign With Yankees
SEATTLE—Introducing former Yankee farmhand Jesus Montero to the media Friday, the Seattle Mariners said they have high expectations for the newly acquired catching prospect ...
Yankees Ensure 2003 Pennant By Signing Every Player In Baseball
NEW YORK—With a week to go before pitchers and catchers report for spring training, the New York Yankees shored up their pitching, hitting, and ...
Yankees Warn Eduardo Nunez To Stop Showing Up Derek Jeter By Making Routine Plays At Shortstop
NEW YORK—Multiple reports from within the New York Yankees clubhouse confirmed Saturday that team officials have warned shortstop Eduardo Nunez to stop showing up ...
Yankees Fans Turn On Mariano Rivera After Spat With Wildly Popular Joba Chamberlain
NEW YORK—Following the pair’s highly publicized confrontation before a game last week, New York Yankees closer Mariano Rivera reportedly felt the full wrath ...
The Onion's Gift Guide For Kids
Looking for the perfect present for your kids? The Onion presents its ultimate holiday gift guide for children ages 5 and up.
Yankees Fan Constantly Mentions His Whole Family Is From New York
Yankees Fan Constantly Mentions His Whole Family Is From New York
Yankees Disabled List Absolutely Stacked
NEW YORK—After recently acquiring third baseman Alex Rodriguez, center fielder Curtis Granderson, first baseman Mark Teixeira, and shortstop Derek Jeter, the New York Yankees ...
Yankees Decline Wild Card
NEW YORK—Saying the American League wild-card bid is "beneath the dignity of the Yankees organization" and "an affront to everything [we] stand for," New ...
Yankee Players Boo When A-Rod Shown On Jumbotron
NEW YORK—A chorus of boos accompanied by shouts of “You suck!” “Get out of town, asshole!” and “Die!” could be heard from the New ...
Teammates Feel Absolutely Nothing During Hug With Returning A-Rod
ST. PETERSBURG, FL—Members of the New York Yankees reportedly failed to experience even the slightest tinge of emotion Monday while hugging teammate Alex Rodriguez ...
A-Rod Dead At 33
NEW YORK—Baseball legend and mythical figure A-Rod, the New York Yankee third baseman and three-time American League Most Valuable Player, was declared dead Saturday...
Espionage In Sports
The Patriots may have used relatively high-tech methods to gather information on their opponents' strategies, but spying on the other team is nothing new.
All-Time Greatest Upsets
Stanford's defeat of top-ranked USC is merely the latest upset in a season that has already held more than its share. Onion Sports runs ...
Baseball's Biggest Offseason Moves
With a flurry of trades and free agent signings across the league this offseason, Onion Sports analysts examine Major League Baseball’s most significant moves ...
Nation Disappointed By Great World Series Matchup
NEW YORK—Citing the disappointing prospect of high-level pitching duels, clutch hitting, and great defense, the American baseball-watching populace this week registered its overwhelming disapproval ...
Yankees Bury Bernie Williams Under New Stadium For Good Luck
NEW YORK—Citing a need for physical and spiritual cleansing after a Boston Red Sox fan entombed a David Ortiz jersey in the floor of ...
Report: Yankees Trademarked 'Yankees Suck' Chant In 1996
TAMPA, FL—New York Yankees team ownership revealed Tuesday that the phrase "Yankees suck," one of the most popular chants in sports, was trademarked by ...
Justin Verlander Doesn’t Bother Telling Parents Difference Between No-Hitter And Perfect Game
DETROIT—Following a phone call home Monday, Tigers starting pitcher Justin Verlander said that he hadn’t even bothered to explain the difference between a ...






















