Bin Laden, Osama(b. Mar. 10, 1957 d. May 2, 2011), founder of the militant Islamist organization al-Qaeda and guiding force behind the September 11 attacks who is currently suffering torturous anguish in a specific dimension of hell where he is the sole mailroom clerk at the still-standing World Trade Center, the elevators are out and he must spend eternity walking up and down both skyscrapers delivering very heavy packages. As part of his damnation, the Saudi-born bin Laden is forced to carry an infinite number of metal file cabinets, 72- inch televisions, and 8-foot-long office couches all by himself to employees working on the 110th floor, who then give the exhausted bin Laden a heavy Christian relic or Torah to take all the way back down to the basement. Throughout the day, bin Laden makes an average of 12 million individual deliveries, during which his dolly is constantly breaking, both of his ankles are severely sprained, and he is extremely thirsty. In addition to his duties as mail-room clerk, the radical Islamist also has to fill in for the building’s janitor, Raul, who in bin Laden’s hell is forever out sick and unavailable to fix toilets, which are always clogged and overflowing with urine, vomit, and fecal matter. Bin Laden has tried repeatedly to escape his divine punishment by jumping from the top of the World Trade Center, an action that only causes him to end up back in the mail room with five times as many heavy objects to deliver.

From The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge