Republican Party, devout, highly organized group of political zealots with the explicitly stated goal of seizing control of the United States government. Bent on total political domination of the country, the Republican Party has vowed to let nothing stand in its way as it takes over all levels of government in every state and municipality in a ruthless effort to impose its fundamentalist agenda on every American man, woman, and child. (See Democratic Party)
Articles under "Republican"
Panelists Discussing GOP Debate Clearly Didn't Watch It
First Responders attempt to bluff their way through a discussion of the most recent Republican debate.
Republicans Stalling Obama's Agenda By Speaking, Moving In Slow Motion
Democrats charge that Republican members of Congress are preventing the passage of the bills by moving very slowly.
New Breeding Program Aimed At Keeping Moderate Republicans From Going Extinct
WASHINGTON—Saying the now critically endangered species of politician is at high risk for complete extinction within the next 10 years, Beltway-area conservationists announced plans ...
GOP Introduces New "Mystery Candidate" With Paper Bag Over Head
Republicans will reveal the identity of the Mystery Candidate only after he, or she, wins the election.
Voters Slowly Realizing Santorum Believes Every Deranged Word That Comes Out Of His Mouth
WASHINGTON—As Rick Santorum has emerged to become Mitt Romney's leading opponent for the Republican presidential nomination, the American electorate said Monday it had ...
In Bipartisan Spirit, Obama Makes Deal To Get Kicked In Balls
President Obama works out an agreement to have Republicans in Congress kick him in the balls in exchange for nothing.
Women Voters Can't Help Fawning Over Sexist GOP
'We Should Know Better, But There's Just Something About Its Unflinching Misogyny,' Says Gushing Female Populace
WASHINGTON—Saying they know its no good for them but they just can't help themselves, gushing women voters acknowledged Monday the overwhelming and uncontrollable ...
Romneymania Sweeps America
TAMPA, FL—From coast to coast, town to town, and in nearly every public meeting place and private residence across America, millions have been captivated ...
Scandalous Photos Reveal Grover Norquist Carried On Secret Affair With Taxes For Years
Is a history of infidelity to blame for the Republicans' split from Grover Norquist?
Zombie Reagan Raised From Grave To Lead GOP
Republicans say they have found their fresh new face in the corpse of Ronald Reagan, recently back from the dead.
Reagan Accepts Republican Nomination, Vows Andre The Giant Will Be Body Slammed If Elected
The Onion looks back at on the day man first walked on the moon—the fucking moon for Christ's sake; the creation of the ...
Romney Stares Uncomprehendingly At $1 Bill
POCATELLO, ID—A $1 bill somehow made its way into the hands of Mitt Romney during a campaign stop Thursday, reportedly causing the Republican presidential ...
Obama Launches More Realistic 'I Have Big Ideas But We'll See How It Goes' Campaign Slogan
CHICAGO—After coming to terms with the limited scope of what he can realistically expect to accomplish as president, Barack Obama announced Wednesday a new ...
Romney Spends Most Of Factory Visit Yelling At Employees To Work Harder
NORTHFIELD, OH—Sources at the Gregson-Turner Paper Co. confirmed that Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney spent the vast majority of his visit to the company ...
Money Man Pulls Even With Black Guy In Latest Poll
WASHINGTON—With the election less than six months away, a nationwide Gallup poll released Wednesday found that Money Man has now pulled even with Black ...
Huh, College Friend A Republican
Huh, College Friend A Republican
Congressman Hurt To Discover Lobbyist Not Really His Friend
WASHINGTON—According to Capitol Hill sources, Rep. Bobby Schilling (R-IL) came to the painful realization this week that agribusiness lobbyist Stephen Fischer, who had been ...
Rick Santorum Relieved No One Has Asked Him About Interracial Marriage Yet
LAFAYETTE, LA—Saying his campaign has "really dodged a bullet so far," Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum told reporters today that, much to his relief ...
Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'
WASHINGTON, DC—Mere days from his inauguration, president-elect Bush vowed to undo the damage not done by the Clinton Administration.
