Smoggy with a soupcon of ragweed
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Follow @TheOnion
Show/Hide Navigation
  • Video
  • Politics
  • Sports
  • Business
  • Science/Tech
  • Entertainment
  • Breaking
  • More
    • Video
    • Politics
    • Sports
    • Business
    • Science/Tech
    • Entertainment
    • Breaking

    Latest StarFix

    David Fincher To Helm YouTube’s First Hour-Long Drama Series 'Turtle Has Sex With Shoes'

    1:47

    Latest Onion Special Report

    Sponsored Content Pretty Fucking Awesome

    1:16

    Onion Review

    More

    Seedless Watermelon Coming To Grips With Fact It’ll Never Be Able To Have Kids

    3:02

    Middle-Aged Funeral Director Buys Flashy Red Hearse

    2:19

    Catholic Teen's Life Ends At Conception

    2:42

    Onion Special Report

    More

    Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year

    1:35

    Government-Issued PSA Urging Teens To Fuck Their Brains Out

    1:44

    Man Says 'Fuck It,' Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M.

    1:01

    Promos

    More

    Onion News Empire Official Trailer

    0:55

    Onion News Network - Coming To IFC January 21

    1:01

    Future: News From The Year 2137 Trailer

    0:50

    Today Now!

    More

    VIRAL VIDEO: High School Sophomore Sinks Incredible, Unnecessary Half-Court Shot

    2:41

    How One Hot New Device Helps Couples Drag Out Their Doomed Relationship That Extra Month Or Two

    2:59

    Popular Children's Book Author Reveals The 'Spooky Truth' About Creepy Conspiracy Theories

    4:18

    The Onion Video

    • Onion Review100 ep.
    • Onion Special Report76 ep.
    • Promos6 ep.
    • Today Now!78 ep.
    • ONNCast57 ep.
    • StarFix11 ep.
    • Onion News Network On IFC151 ep.
    • Onion Weather Center9 ep.
    • War For The White House52 ep.
    • Newsroom168 ep.
    • OSN GOOMF40 ep.
    • This Week In History9 ep.
    • Behind The Pen6 ep.
    • Tech Trends13 ep.
    • In The Know52 ep.
    • SportsDome97 ep.
    • O-SPAN38 ep.
    • OSN Video Vault19 ep.

    • Slings And Arrows, "The Promised End"

    • Film: Cannes Film Festival: Cannes, Day Seven: J.C. Chandor makes good, Nicolas Winding Refn goes bad, and Claire Denis gets ugly

    • Music: Newswire: Get Involved, Internet: Help make a documentary about Joe Strummer's old car

    • How to Traumatize Your Children Book

    • Assorted Headlines Pint Glasses

    • Cheat to Win Bracelet

    • Could Plastic Surgery Be Your Ticket To Employment? - Dr. Good - Ep. 2

    • The Best Of Today Now!: Fresh Roasted Cup Of News

    • Tim Allen, Mark Wahlberg, And Tara Reid Spotted At Cafe Discussing Oh God What Are They Planning?

    Follow The Onion

    Receive The Newsletter

    • Onion News Empire
    • The Onion Live!
    • Personals
    • FAQ
    • Contact Us
    • Jobs
    • Media Kit
    • Privacy Policy
    • Franchising
    • RSS & Apps

    The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. ©Copyright 2013 Onion Inc. All rights reserved