12-Year-Old Couldn’t Begin To Guess Name Of Friend Whose House He Visits To Play Xbox

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Vol 50 Issue 09

Young E-Cigarette Users Less Likely To Quit Smoking

According to a new study from researchers at the University of California San Francisco, middle and high school students who use electronic cigarettes are more likely to smoke real cigarettes and be heavier smokers than those who don’t.

Brief Moment Of Lucidity Called Panic Attack

JEFFERSON CITY, MO—Following a brief episode Friday during which he became physically debilitated by a flood of worries about his struggles in his career, romantic failings, and his own fragile mortality, sources confirmed that local man Evan Turoff...

Massachusetts Bans Upskirt Photos After Outcry

Due to the controversy surrounding their ruling earlier this week that criminal voyeurism didn’t apply to a man who took photos up a woman’s skirt on the MBTA, the Massachusetts Legislature voted yesterday to outlaw the act of “upskirtin...

Papa John’s Now Offering 3-Day Home Delivery

LOUISVILLE, KY—Aiming to provide their customers with the most convenient options when placing an order, Papa John’s officials announced Friday that the restaurant chain will now be offering three-day home delivery service on any purchase.

Dog Held Against Will Inside Skype Window

Ukrainian-Russian tensions divide U.S. citizens along ignorant and apathetic lines, the national endowment for the arts provides 80 million dollars for discouraging talentless hacks, and a dog is held against its will inside a Skype window.
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12-Year-Old Couldn’t Begin To Guess Name Of Friend Whose House He Visits To Play Xbox

Despite having spent eight of the last 10 days in his classmate’s living room playing Xbox alongside him, local 12-year-old Michael Cutler admitted to reporters Wednesday that he couldn’t even venture a guess as to what the boy’s name is.

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