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After Obama Victory, Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage Early GOP Front-Runner For 2016

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Election 2016

How Trump Plans To Turn His Campaign Around

As Donald Trump’s poll numbers continue to fall, many wonder how the GOP presidential nominee can turn his campaign around before Election Day. Here are some ways Trump aims to regain his footing

‘Why Can I Never Seem To Say The Right Thing?’ Weeps Trump Into Pillow

NEW YORK—Quickly running into his bedroom and slamming the door behind him after hearing public criticism of the statements he made regarding the family of a fallen Muslim-American U.S. Army captain, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly threw himself on his bed Tuesday and asked himself “Why can I never seem to say the right thing?” while weeping into his pillow.

Trump Campaign Ponders Going Negative

NEW YORK—Saying they weren’t afraid to take the gloves off for the general election if need be, the campaign team for Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump reportedly considered the possibility Monday of pivoting their strategy and going negative.

What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns

Donald Trump’s aides have confirmed that the Republican presidential nominee will not release his tax returns despite numerous public calls for him to honor the expectation of transparency for presidential hopefuls. Here are some of the potentially damning contents that Trump prefers not to release to the public

Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd

‘Family,’ Candidate Says

PHILADELPHIA—Seeking to make her case to the nation’s voters as she accepted her party’s presidential nomination Thursday night, Hillary Clinton reportedly began her headlining address at the Democratic National Convention by holding her infant grandson, Aidan, upside down by his ankle and firmly intoning the word “Family” in front of the assembled crowd.

Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech

PHILADELPHIA—Saying she arrived hours before any of the members of the production crew, sources confirmed Thursday that presidential nominee Hillary Clinton has been waiting in the wings of the Wells Fargo Center stage since six o’clock this morning to deliver her speech at the Democratic National Convention.

Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot

WASHINGTON—Saying she has grown increasingly concerned about her husband’s mental and physical well-being since last Friday, Christie Vilsack, the wife of Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack, told reporters Thursday that the despondent, butter-covered cabinet member has entered the sixth day of a destructive corn bender after being passed over for the Democratic vice presidential spot.

Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that the vice presidential nominee had been launched nearly 100 feet into the air during his entrance into the Democratic National Convention Wednesday night, sources reported that the cannon at the back of the Wells Fargo Center had accidentally overshot Tim Kaine across the arena, sending him crashing to the stage several dozen feet beyond the erected safety net.
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After Obama Victory, Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage Early GOP Front-Runner For 2016
After Obama Victory, Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage Early GOP Front-Runner For 2016
Trump Spends Entire Classified National Security Briefing Asking About ​Egyptian ​Mummies
Trump Spends Entire Classified National Security Briefing Asking About ​Egyptian ​Mummies
How Trump Plans To Turn His Campaign Around
How Trump Plans To Turn His Campaign Around
Giddy Tim Kaine Presses Face Against Campaign Bus Window As Horse Trailer Drives By
Giddy Tim Kaine Presses Face Against Campaign Bus Window As Horse Trailer Drives By
I Spend Every Waking Moment Holding This Fragile Facade Of A Person Together, And I’ll Do The Same For America
I Spend Every Waking Moment Holding This Fragile Facade Of A Person Together, And I’ll Do The Same For America
Melania Trump Stumbles Upon Dozens Of Husband’s Haunting, Macabre Self-Portraits
Melania Trump Stumbles Upon Dozens Of Husband’s Haunting, Macabre Self-Portraits
Trump’s Prefrontal Cortex Admits It Can’t Possibly Filter All Impulsive Comments Coming From Rest Of Brain
Trump’s Prefrontal Cortex Admits It Can’t Possibly Filter All Impulsive Comments Coming From Rest Of Brain
Details Of Trump’s Economic Plan
Details Of Trump’s Economic Plan
‘Why Can I Never Seem To Say The Right Thing?’ Weeps Trump Into Pillow
‘Why Can I Never Seem To Say The Right Thing?’ Weeps Trump Into Pillow
Trump Campaign Ponders Going Negative
Trump Campaign Ponders Going Negative
Residents Of Philadelphia, Cleveland At Least Relieved They Can’t Host Another One Of These Fucking Things For Few Decades
Residents Of Philadelphia, Cleveland At Least Relieved They Can’t Host Another One Of These Fucking Things For Few Decades
What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns
What’s Inside Trump’s Tax Returns
DNC Honors Historic Nominee By Dropping Broken Glass Shards From Ceiling
DNC Honors Historic Nominee By Dropping Broken Glass Shards From Ceiling
Hillary Clinton: ‘Young Girls Should Have An Equal Opportunity To One Day Feel Power Coursing Through Their Body’
Hillary Clinton: ‘Young Girls Should Have An Equal Opportunity To One Day Feel Power Coursing Through Their Body’
Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd
Hillary Clinton Holds Infant Grandson Upside Down By Ankle In Front Of Convention Crowd
Hillary Clinton: ‘When I Was A Child, Most Special Interest Groups Wouldn’t Even Consider Donating Large Sums Of Money To A Woman’
Hillary Clinton: ‘When I Was A Child, Most Special Interest Groups Wouldn’t Even Consider Donating Large Sums Of Money To A Woman’
Chelsea Clinton: ‘My Mother Will Shape This Country Into A Strong, Independent Young Woman’
Chelsea Clinton: ‘My Mother Will Shape This Country Into A Strong, Independent Young Woman’
Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech
Hillary Clinton Waiting In Wings Of Stage Since 6 A.M. For DNC Speech
Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot
Depressed, Butter-Covered Tom Vilsack Enters Sixth Day Of Corn Bender After Losing VP Spot
DNC Speech: ‘I Am Proud To Say I Walked In On Bill And Hillary Having Sex’
DNC Speech: ‘I Am Proud To Say I Walked In On Bill And Hillary Having Sex’
Trump Sick And Tired Of Mainstream Media Always Trying To Put His Words Into Some Sort Of Context
Trump Sick And Tired Of Mainstream Media Always Trying To Put His Words Into Some Sort Of Context
Who’s Speaking At The DNC: Day 4
Who’s Speaking At The DNC: Day 4
Bound, Gagged Joaquin Castro Horrified By What His Identical Twin Brother Might Be Doing Out On DNC Floor
Bound, Gagged Joaquin Castro Horrified By What His Identical Twin Brother Might Be Doing Out On DNC Floor
Obama: ‘Hillary Will Fight To Protect My Legacy, Even The Truly Detestable Parts’
Obama: ‘Hillary Will Fight To Protect My Legacy, Even The Truly Detestable Parts’
Tim Kaine Clearly Tuning Out In Middle Of Boring Vice Presidential Acceptance Speech
Tim Kaine Clearly Tuning Out In Middle Of Boring Vice Presidential Acceptance Speech
Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center
Cannon Overshoots Tim Kaine Across Wells Fargo Center
Biden Regales DNC With Story Of ’80s Girl Band Vixen Breaking Hard Rock’s Glass Ceiling
Biden Regales DNC With Story Of ’80s Girl Band Vixen Breaking Hard Rock’s Glass Ceiling
Biden Chokes Up While Describing Hardworking Americans Who Can Only Afford Shitty Ditch Weed
Biden Chokes Up While Describing Hardworking Americans Who Can Only Afford Shitty Ditch Weed
DNC Speech: Clinton Campaign Thanks Volunteers For Killing Millions Of Gnats In Hillary’s Bus
DNC Speech: Clinton Campaign Thanks Volunteers For Killing Millions Of Gnats In Hillary’s Bus
DNC Speech: Clinton Campaign Thanks Volunteers For Killing Millions Of Gnats In Hillary’s Bus
DNC Speech: Clinton Campaign Thanks Volunteers For Killing Millions Of Gnats In Hillary’s Bus

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