adBlockCheck

Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

Top Headlines

Science & Technology

How Dating Sites Match Their Users

With millions of people opting to use online dating sites to meet new potential romantic partners, many are wondering how computer algorithms can enhance their chances of finding “the one.” Here are the steps that dating sites take to match compatible users

How To File A Patent

In the United States, anyone who believes they have invented something truly unique is welcome to fill out a patent application to protect it, but it’s often a complicated and laborious process. Here are the steps involved in securing a patent

EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source

WASHINGTON—Citing the hazardous levels of carbon dioxide and other pollutants accumulating in the atmosphere, officials from the Environmental Protection Agency urged the nation this week to develop a new air source.

‘Seek Funding’ Step Added To Scientific Method

PARIS—In an effort to modernize the principles and empirical procedures of examining phenomena and advancing humanity’s collective knowledge, the International Council for Science announced Thursday the addition of a “Seek Funding” step to the scientific method.

The Pros And Cons Of Artificial Intelligence

As technology advances to the point where machines have almost human-like capabilities, humanity is left to ponder the consequences involved with either advancing or holding back the field of computer sentience. Here are the pros and cons of artificial intelligence

Biologists Still No Closer To Discovering How Birds Have Sex

BERKELEY, CA—With not a single scientist having successfully observed the behavior despite extensive ongoing research, the field of biology has made no progress in its understanding of how birds have sex, experts at the University of California told reporters Wednesday.

What Smoking A Cigarette Does To The Body

With the FDA recently pulling multiple cigarette brands off the market, the conversation surrounding the harmful effects of smoking has been returning in full force to the national stage. Here is what happens to your body as you smoke a cigarette

Alarming Report Finds Only 6% Of Earth’s Surface Indoors

LAWRENCE, KS—Drawing attention to the distressing prevalence of outside areas on the planet, researchers at the University of Kansas released an alarming report Monday revealing that a mere 6 percent of the Earth’s surface is actually indoors.

Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent

SILVER SPRING, MD—Warning residents to prepare for extreme winds, heavy rainfall, and flooding starting in the near future and continuing indefinitely, meteorologists at the National Weather Service announced Friday that the upcoming hurricane season would be permanent.

NASA Deploys Congressional Rover To Search For Funding

WASHINGTON—Calling the program “the most crucial in the agency’s history,” researchers at NASA announced Wednesday they have successfully deployed a Special Exploratory Rover to Congress as part of an open-ended mission to seek out any possible trace of funding on Capitol Hill.

What The Planet Will Look Like In 2100

As scientists try to project the effects of climate change into the future, many of these forecasts only go as far as 2100, a year beyond which the alterations to our environment become much harder to predict. Here is a breakdown of what we can expect our world to look like in 2100

What You Need To Know About ‘Female Viagra’

The FDA recently approved the sale of Flibanserin, a pink pill intended for women diagnosed with low sex drive; critics have questioned the pill’s effectiveness, while advocates are praising the move toward supporting both men and women with these sexual issues. Here are some of the most common questions about Flibanserin

GMOs: Myth vs. Fact

Consumers have consistently distrusted the use of genetically modified organisms in their food, believing that they make food unsafe for consumption, although a majority of scientific evidence contradicts these views. Here are the common myths associated with GMOs and the facts that refute them

Timeline Of Google’s History

Google recently announced the formation of Alphabet, an umbrella corporation that will separate the company’s internet search business from its forays into robotics, biotechnology, and other areas of innovation. Here are some of the most notable milestones in Google’s 17-year history:

How Hackers Steal Data From Websites

With millions of Americans’ personal information becoming compromised by recent high-profile data breaches, many people are wondering just how anonymous hackers target and infiltrate these supposedly secure systems. Here is a step-by-step explanation of how your data can be stolen

Man’s Body Running Out Of Ideas To Convince Him He Full

BAYTOWN, TX—Having repeatedly ratcheted up the 34-year-old’s level of discomfort with no noticeable effect on his behavior, the body of local man Kent Dugan confirmed Wednesday that it was starting to run out of ideas to convince him that he was full.

How Apple Plans To Rebound From Apple Watch Flop

With sales of the Apple Watch reportedly down 90 percent since its initial release, Apple is suffering in the wearables market and faces a lack of enthusiasm about its latest product. Here are some ways Apple can improve the watch and prevent the company from falling into a slump:

Astronomers Just Going To Go Ahead And Say Dark Matter Nitrogen

‘Fuck It, We’re Done,’ Say Scientists

WASHINGTON—Declaring that this is the last time they ever hope to speak of the aggravatingly enigmatic substance, astronomers from NASA announced Thursday that they are just going to go ahead and say that dark matter is nitrogen.

What We’ve Learned About Pluto

Nearly 10 years after its launch, the New Horizons space probe made a flyby 7,750 miles from Pluto, marking the first time in history a spacecraft has examined the dwarf planet up close, and NASA has begun to release data and images transmitted from the approach. Here’s what we’ve learned about Pluto so far

Timeline Of Mass Extinction

Scientists predict that human activity has put the world on the brink of the sixth mass extinction in earth’s history, an event characterized by the elimination of a large number of species within a very short period of time. Here is a timeline of extinction events over the planet’s history

Study: Floating Heap Of Trash Now Ocean’s Apex Predator

SANTA BARBARA, CA—Noting that no marine species posed a threat and the total domination of its habitat, a study released Wednesday by researchers at the University of California, Santa Barbara revealed that the floating mass of trash known as the Great Pacific Garbage Patch is now the ocean’s apex predator.

Dementia Study Reveals Fond Memories First To Go

BALTIMORE—Researchers at Johns Hopkins University published a new study this week on the cognitive effects of Alzheimer’s disease and other deteriorative brain disorders, finding conclusive evidence that dementia sufferers’ fondest memories are nearly always the first to go.

FDA Approves Female-Libido-Enhancing Man

WASHINGTON—In an effort to address the needs of women suffering from a lack of sexual desire, the FDA announced Tuesday that it had approved a new female-libido-enhancing man, which is expected to be made available to the general public by year’s end.

New Report Finds Humanity 10 Years Away From Something Called Ash Age

TUCSON, AZ—Explaining that the large-scale shift in geologic conditions and social organization would require a new taxonomic classification, researchers at the University of Arizona released a report Tuesday revealing that humanity is approximately 10 years away from something that will be called the Ash Age.

NASA Announces Bold Plan To Still Exist By 2045

WASHINGTON—In what is being described as the most ambitious mission ever undertaken in the space agency’s history, NASA officials announced at a press conference Tuesday their bold new plan to still exist by 2045.

YouTube Turns 10

On April 23, 2005, three former PayPal employees started a video-sharing site called YouTube, which has since grown into an influential media platform with over 1 billion users.

Pros And Cons Of Screen Time For Kids

As technology becomes more of a staple in everyday family life, parents are making choices about how much screen time to allow their children—and asking questions about how computers, phones, and TVs might help or hinder a child’s development.

Geologists Unearth Fully Intact Rock

FORT COLLINS, CO—Describing the discovery as the most flawless specimen ever unearthed, a team of geologists working in northern Colorado announced Friday they had excavated a fully intact rock.

Rehabilitated Otter Released Back Into Food Chain

SAUSALITO, CA—Following nine months of surgeries and physical therapy to heal the aquatic animal’s debilitating injuries, officials from the Marine Mammal Center released a fully rehabilitated sea otter back into the food chain Tuesday.

Conservationists Attempting To Get Head Start On Mars

WASHINGTON—Fearing that any further delay might prevent their movement from having any meaningful impact, a consortium of leading conservationists confirmed Wednesday it is attempting to get a head start on preserving the planet Mars. The newly form...

Apple MacBook vs. Google Chromebook Pixel

Shortly after Apple debuted its new ultra-thin MacBook this week, Google announced its new Chromebook Pixel 2, which similarly boasts the new Type-C USB port and high-tech trackpad.

How Cable Companies Plan To Fight Cord Cutting

More consumers than ever are “cord cutting,” or getting rid of their cable service in favor of watching shows online, challenging the cable industry to launch new initiatives in order to keep customers.

Features Of The Apple Car

After dominating sales of smartphones, tablets, and other electronics, Apple is reportedly secretly designing its first car, code-named Titan.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard
Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard
Study: Majority Of New Marine Life Species Now Discovered While Cleaning Oil Spills
Study: Majority Of New Marine Life Species Now Discovered While Cleaning Oil Spills
Stingray Loves When Aquarium Visitors Squeal And Recoil After Touching It
Stingray Loves When Aquarium Visitors Squeal And Recoil After Touching It
Study Links Binge Eating To Stress, Contentment, Depression, Joy, Boredom, Anger, Relaxation
Study Links Binge Eating To Stress, Contentment, Depression, Joy, Boredom, Anger, Relaxation
Guy Wearing Thumb Drive Around Neck Wonders If You Tried Hard Reboot
Guy Wearing Thumb Drive Around Neck Wonders If You Tried Hard Reboot
Study Finds Majority Of Accidental Heroin Overdoses Could Be Prevented With Less Heroin
Study Finds Majority Of Accidental Heroin Overdoses Could Be Prevented With Less Heroin
How To File A Patent
How To File A Patent
EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source
EPA Urges Nation To Develop New Air Source
Astronomers Discover Previously Unknown Cluster Of Nothingness In Deep Space
Astronomers Discover Previously Unknown Cluster Of Nothingness In Deep Space
Elderly Woman Relieved To Know She’s Tackled Last Technological Advancement Of Lifetime
Elderly Woman Relieved To Know She’s Tackled Last Technological Advancement Of Lifetime
‘Seek Funding’ Step Added To Scientific Method
‘Seek Funding’ Step Added To Scientific Method
Nation Figured Everything Would Run On Some Kind Of Cubes Of Blue Energy By Now
Nation Figured Everything Would Run On Some Kind Of Cubes Of Blue Energy By Now
New Study Finds Box Still World’s Most Popular Container
New Study Finds Box Still World’s Most Popular Container
Archaeologists Discover Ancient Femur That Could Make Mouthwatering Broth
Archaeologists Discover Ancient Femur That Could Make Mouthwatering Broth
Groundbreaking Study Finds Gratification Can Be Deliberately Postponed
Groundbreaking Study Finds Gratification Can Be Deliberately Postponed
Report: Red Meat Linked To Contentedly Patting Belly
Report: Red Meat Linked To Contentedly Patting Belly
New Downloadable Content For ‘Assassin’s Creed Syndicate’ Factored Into Monthly Living Expenses
New Downloadable Content For ‘Assassin’s Creed Syndicate’ Factored Into Monthly Living Expenses
The Pros And Cons Of Artificial Intelligence
The Pros And Cons Of Artificial Intelligence
Bisquick Unveils Sprawling State-Of-The-Art Silicon Valley Campus
Bisquick Unveils Sprawling State-Of-The-Art Silicon Valley Campus
Wildebeest Taking Awful Lot Of Credit For Stampede
Wildebeest Taking Awful Lot Of Credit For Stampede
Biologists Still No Closer To Discovering How Birds Have Sex
Biologists Still No Closer To Discovering How Birds Have Sex
What Smoking A Cigarette Does To The Body
What Smoking A Cigarette Does To The Body
Archaeologists Reconstruct Snyder’s Of Hanover Pretzel From Pieces Discovered In Des Moines–Area Stop ’N Go
Archaeologists Reconstruct Snyder’s Of Hanover Pretzel From Pieces Discovered In Des Moines–Area Stop ’N Go
Scientists Find Strong Link Between Male Virility, Wearing Mötley Crüe Denim Jacket
Scientists Find Strong Link Between Male Virility, Wearing Mötley Crüe Denim Jacket
Nation Demands NASA Stop Holding Press Conferences Until They Discover Some Little Alien Guys
Nation Demands NASA Stop Holding Press Conferences Until They Discover Some Little Alien Guys
Alarming Report Finds Only 6% Of Earth’s Surface Indoors
Alarming Report Finds Only 6% Of Earth’s Surface Indoors
Study: Humans Began Domesticating Animals To Comfort Children Whose Parents Split Up
Study: Humans Began Domesticating Animals To Comfort Children Whose Parents Split Up
Study: Technology Making It Easier For Mankind To Get More Annoyed Than Ever
Study: Technology Making It Easier For Mankind To Get More Annoyed Than Ever
Google Engineers Invent New Body Part To Strap Gadgets Onto
Google Engineers Invent New Body Part To Strap Gadgets Onto
Species That Had 25 Million Years To Evolve Pathetically Snuffed Out In 8 Years
Species That Had 25 Million Years To Evolve Pathetically Snuffed Out In 8 Years
Experts Refuse To Warn Of Any New Health Hazards Until Americans Deal With Current Backlog
Experts Refuse To Warn Of Any New Health Hazards Until Americans Deal With Current Backlog
Tearful Anthropologists Discover Dead Ancestor Of Humans 100,000 Years Too Late
Tearful Anthropologists Discover Dead Ancestor Of Humans 100,000 Years Too Late
6-Year-Old Data Entry Prodigy Already Entertaining Offers From Major Temp Agencies
6-Year-Old Data Entry Prodigy Already Entertaining Offers From Major Temp Agencies
Study Finds Earth’s Animals One Giant Creature Before Breaking Apart Millions Of Years Ago
Study Finds Earth’s Animals One Giant Creature Before Breaking Apart Millions Of Years Ago
Secretary Of Labor Assures Nation There Still Plenty Of Jobs For Americans Willing To Outwork Robots
Secretary Of Labor Assures Nation There Still Plenty Of Jobs For Americans Willing To Outwork Robots
Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent
Meteorologists Say Upcoming Hurricane Season To Be Permanent
NASA Deploys Congressional Rover To Search For Funding
NASA Deploys Congressional Rover To Search For Funding
What The Planet Will Look Like In 2100
What The Planet Will Look Like In 2100
Scientists Confident Artificially Intelligent Machines Can Be Programmed To Be Lenient Slave Masters
Scientists Confident Artificially Intelligent Machines Can Be Programmed To Be Lenient Slave Masters
What You Need To Know About ‘Female Viagra’
What You Need To Know About ‘Female Viagra’
GMOs: Myth vs. Fact
GMOs: Myth vs. Fact
New Study Finds Earth’s Core Will Be Most Habitable Part Of Planet By 2060
New Study Finds Earth’s Core Will Be Most Habitable Part Of Planet By 2060
Timeline Of Google’s History
Timeline Of Google’s History
How Hackers Steal Data From Websites
How Hackers Steal Data From Websites
Scientists Continue Developing Alternative Energy Sources For Americans To Waste
Scientists Continue Developing Alternative Energy Sources For Americans To Waste
Man’s Body Running Out Of Ideas To Convince Him He Full
Man’s Body Running Out Of Ideas To Convince Him He Full
FDA Report Finds Food Prevents Hunger 98% Of Time When Properly Used
FDA Report Finds Food Prevents Hunger 98% Of Time When Properly Used
How Apple Plans To Rebound From Apple Watch Flop
How Apple Plans To Rebound From Apple Watch Flop
Black-Backed Jackals Seek Asylum In Wildlife Preserve As Preventative Measure
Black-Backed Jackals Seek Asylum In Wildlife Preserve As Preventative Measure
Astronomers Just Going To Go Ahead And Say Dark Matter Nitrogen
Astronomers Just Going To Go Ahead And Say Dark Matter Nitrogen
What We’ve Learned About Pluto
What We’ve Learned About Pluto
Scientists Find Human Vocal Cords Developed Over Millennia To Lower Voice When Speculating On Acquaintance’s Sexual Orientation
Scientists Find Human Vocal Cords Developed Over Millennia To Lower Voice When Speculating On Acquaintance’s Sexual Orientation
World’s Frogs Unveil 5-Million-Year Plan To Move Up Food Chain
World’s Frogs Unveil 5-Million-Year Plan To Move Up Food Chain
Timeline Of Mass Extinction
Timeline Of Mass Extinction
Study: Floating Heap Of Trash Now Ocean’s Apex Predator
Study: Floating Heap Of Trash Now Ocean’s Apex Predator
Study: Employees Happiest When Pretending To Work From Home
Study: Employees Happiest When Pretending To Work From Home
Dementia Study Reveals Fond Memories First To Go
Dementia Study Reveals Fond Memories First To Go
FDA Approves Female-Libido-Enhancing Man
FDA Approves Female-Libido-Enhancing Man
Idiot Zoo Animal With Zero Predators Still Protective Of Young
Idiot Zoo Animal With Zero Predators Still Protective Of Young
Report: More U.S. Families Living With Multiple Generations Of Xbox Under One Roof
Report: More U.S. Families Living With Multiple Generations Of Xbox Under One Roof
Man Confident Perfect Dating App Waiting For Him Out There Somewhere
Man Confident Perfect Dating App Waiting For Him Out There Somewhere
Industrious Otters Now Capitalizing On Oil Spills
Industrious Otters Now Capitalizing On Oil Spills
New Report Finds Humanity 10 Years Away From Something Called Ash Age
New Report Finds Humanity 10 Years Away From Something Called Ash Age
New OkCupid Feature Alerts Users When It’s Time To Come Crawling Back
New OkCupid Feature Alerts Users When It’s Time To Come Crawling Back
Breakthrough Procedure Allows Parents To Select Sexiness Of Child
Breakthrough Procedure Allows Parents To Select Sexiness Of Child
NASA Announces Bold Plan To Still Exist By 2045
NASA Announces Bold Plan To Still Exist By 2045
Anthropologists Discover Ancient Greek Super PAC That Helped Shape First Democracy
Anthropologists Discover Ancient Greek Super PAC That Helped Shape First Democracy
Prescription Label Recommends Just Taking More And More Until Something Kicks In
Prescription Label Recommends Just Taking More And More Until Something Kicks In
Guy Who Died Playing ‘League Of Legends’ In Internet Café Really Starting To Ruin Game For Other Patrons
Guy Who Died Playing ‘League Of Legends’ In Internet Café Really Starting To Ruin Game For Other Patrons
Archaeologists Discover First Hominid To Own Tools But Never Use Them
Archaeologists Discover First Hominid To Own Tools But Never Use Them
Aerospace Engineers Warn First-Grader’s Design For Spaceship Completely Unsafe
Aerospace Engineers Warn First-Grader’s Design For Spaceship Completely Unsafe
Delusional Man Turning Off Laptop Like He’s Done With It For Night
Delusional Man Turning Off Laptop Like He’s Done With It For Night
YouTube Turns 10
YouTube Turns 10
Study Finds Those With Deceased Family Members At High Risk Of Dying Themselves
Study Finds Those With Deceased Family Members At High Risk Of Dying Themselves
Medical Experts Disappointed With Man Who Failed To Live Up To Life Expectancy
Medical Experts Disappointed With Man Who Failed To Live Up To Life Expectancy
Pros And Cons Of Screen Time For Kids
Pros And Cons Of Screen Time For Kids
Viewer Prepared To Believe Whatever Documentary Tells Him About Coral Reefs
Viewer Prepared To Believe Whatever Documentary Tells Him About Coral Reefs
Could This Rare Species Of Frog Hold The Key To Making Cancer Far Worse?
Could This Rare Species Of Frog Hold The Key To Making Cancer Far Worse?
Geologists Unearth Fully Intact Rock
Geologists Unearth Fully Intact Rock
Engineers Unveil New Driverless Car Capable Of Committing Hit-And-Run
Engineers Unveil New Driverless Car Capable Of Committing Hit-And-Run
Report: Majority Of Earth’s Potable Water Trapped In Coca-Cola Products
Report: Majority Of Earth’s Potable Water Trapped In Coca-Cola Products
New App Lets You Work For Your Company Even While You Sleep
New App Lets You Work For Your Company Even While You Sleep
Rehabilitated Otter Released Back Into Food Chain
Rehabilitated Otter Released Back Into Food Chain
Conservationists Attempting To Get Head Start On Mars
Conservationists Attempting To Get Head Start On Mars
Harnessing The Power Of Your Apartment’s Electricity
Harnessing The Power Of Your Apartment’s Electricity
New Speech Recognition Software Factors In User’s Mouth Always Being Full
New Speech Recognition Software Factors In User’s Mouth Always Being Full
Scientists Discover Eating Serves Function Other Than Easing Anxiety
Scientists Discover Eating Serves Function Other Than Easing Anxiety
Apple MacBook vs. Google Chromebook Pixel
Apple MacBook vs. Google Chromebook Pixel
Wall Street Firm Develops New High-Speed Algorithm Capable Of Performing Over 10,000 Ethical Violations Per Second
Wall Street Firm Develops New High-Speed Algorithm Capable Of Performing Over 10,000 Ethical Violations Per Second
Study Finds Swans Only Other Animals Who Mate For Few Years, Get Scared, End Things, Then Regret It
Study Finds Swans Only Other Animals Who Mate For Few Years, Get Scared, End Things, Then Regret It
New Evidence Suggests Last Ice Age Caused By Earth Floating Into Extremely Chilly Part Of Galaxy
New Evidence Suggests Last Ice Age Caused By Earth Floating Into Extremely Chilly Part Of Galaxy
Apple Fans Demand Other Products They Can Feel Directly Against Skin At All Times
Apple Fans Demand Other Products They Can Feel Directly Against Skin At All Times
How Cable Companies Plan To Fight Cord Cutting
How Cable Companies Plan To Fight Cord Cutting
Is This Ivy League Dropout And Tech Entrepreneur The Current Mark Zuckerberg?
Is This Ivy League Dropout And Tech Entrepreneur The Current Mark Zuckerberg?
Archaeologists Uncover Greek Amphitheater Where First Prick Saved Seats
Archaeologists Uncover Greek Amphitheater Where First Prick Saved Seats
Lucrative New Oil Extraction Method Involves Drilling Directly Into Gas Stations
Lucrative New Oil Extraction Method Involves Drilling Directly Into Gas Stations
New Study Finds Therapy, Antidepressants Equally Effective At Monetizing Depression
New Study Finds Therapy, Antidepressants Equally Effective At Monetizing Depression
Features Of The Apple Car
Features Of The Apple Car
Scientists Working To Harness Energy Produced By Intense Fracking Debates
Scientists Working To Harness Energy Produced By Intense Fracking Debates
Astronomers Discover New Planet That Really Makes Earth Look Like Shit
Astronomers Discover New Planet That Really Makes Earth Look Like Shit
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Originality

Satisfaction

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close