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Area Man Panics After Accidentally 'Liking' 381 Of His Ex-Girlfriend’s Facebook Photos

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Man Practices Haircut Request Before Heading To Barber

MINNEAPOLIS—Having scripted a set of lines he hoped to deliver with confidence and decisiveness, local 34-year-old Jason Clyne carefully rehearsed his haircut request several times Friday before heading to his local barbershop, sources confirmed.

Ronald McDonald Statue Bears Full Brunt Of Teenagers’ Mockery

CLEVELAND—Remaining stoically silent throughout the barrage of vicious insults, unsavory accusations, and various other indignities directed at it, a statue of Ronald McDonald seated on a bench outside the fast-food chain’s Clark Avenue location is said to have borne the full force of a group of teenagers’ mockery Thursday.

Woman Leaving Meeting Worried She Came Off As Too Competent

OXNARD, CA—Silently chastising herself for the way she behaved in front of her colleagues and supervisors, Cobalt Property Insurance sales associate Leah Manning, 36, was reportedly deeply worried Tuesday that she came off as too competent during the company’s weekly sales meeting.

Mom Has Stacked Dinner Party Roster

GOLDEN, CO—Their eyes widening in amazement as the 43-year-old rattled off the names of heavy hitter after heavy hitter, impressed members of the Dreeshen household confirmed Friday that the roster for their mom’s upcoming dinner party was absolutely stacked.

Bold Intern Giving Parents Tour Of Office

CHICAGO—Brazenly strolling through the rows of desks while pointing out the firm’s various departments to his two guests, Lodestone Media intern Nate Kapper, 19, made the incredibly bold move of giving his parents a tour of the company’s offices Wednesday, sources reported.

Beautiful Spring Day No Match For Last 35 Years Of Man’s Life

LITTLE ROCK, AR—Nullified almost immediately by the collective force of decades’ worth of resentment and disappointment, a bright and beautiful spring day was said to be no match for the past 35 years of local man Thomas Unger’s life, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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Area Man Panics After Accidentally 'Liking' 381 Of His Ex-Girlfriend’s Facebook Photos

BOISE, ID—As he browsed the social networking site Facebook last night, local man Aaron Neutzling, 28, reportedly panicked after realizing that in the course of the evening he had somehow “liked” nearly 400 of his ex-girlfriend’s photos. “Oh, God, what did I just do?” Neutzling said upon realizing he had inadvertently spent the past hour and a half cycling through 14 of his ex-girlfriend’s albums and clicking the “like” button for every single picture. “I was just clicking and not even thinking about it. Jesus, she’s definitely going to notice this when she logs in and sees she has 381 new notifications. Maybe if I can unlike all of them quickly enough it won’t look so bad?” Sources later confirmed a frantic Neutzling had posted at least four messages on his ex-girlfriend’s Facebook telling her he loved her.

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