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    Ashton Moves On From Demi, Dating Evil Black Disc

    2:30

    Now that Demi is out of the picture, Ashton is up to his old bachelor ways, out on the town with his arms wrapped around a glowing disc hewn in the fires of hell.

    Recent News
    StarFix
    All Videos
    • Autopsy Of A Scene: Paul Feig Points Out How Many Ghosts Are In This Scene From 'The Heat'

      1:34

      Director Paul Feig narrates a clip from his new film 'The Heat,' which he says, like 'Bridesmaids,' is a ghost story at heart.

    • 'I Would Be Absolutely Perfect For This,' Report 1,400 People Looking At Same Job Posting

      1:24

      Upon coming across the same job posting Monday for a full-time position at a local startup company, an estimated 1,400 people reportedly described the opening as “a perfect fit” for their qualifications, saying it was exactly the opportunity t...

    • Markets In Turmoil As Price Of Money Skyrockets To $90 A Dollar

      1:36

      After fluctuating wildly this morning between $1 and $35, the price of money spiked to an unprecedented $90 a dollar in afternoon trading, plunging international financial markets into chaos.

    • Milk Rushing Through Jug Handle Having The Time Of Its Life

      2:23

      McDonald's is considering franching restaurants after 70 years of being family owned and operated, the financial sector thinks it's about ready to ruin the world again, and a kidnapping is going pretty smoothly.

    • Will Season Four Of ‘Downton Abbey’ Finally Show The Wizards Using Their Powers?

      1:05

      The popular series about a castle full of wizards and magical servants has been surprisingly magic-free so far, but hopefully that will change in the fourth season.

    • The Onion Looks Back At 'The Wizard Of Oz'

      2:37

      The Onion’s movie critic Peter K. Ronsenthal examines ‘The Wizard of Oz’ in this week’s Film Standard

    • Markets In Turmoil As Price Of Money Skyrockets To $90 A Dollar

      1:36

      After fluctuating wildly this morning between $1 and $35, the price of money spiked to an unprecedented $90 a dollar in afternoon trading, plunging international financial markets into chaos.

    • Milk Rushing Through Jug Handle Having The Time Of Its Life

      2:23

      McDonald's is considering franching restaurants after 70 years of being family owned and operated, the financial sector thinks it's about ready to ruin the world again, and a kidnapping is going pretty smoothly.

    • Will Season Four Of ‘Downton Abbey’ Finally Show The Wizards Using Their Powers?

      1:05

      The popular series about a castle full of wizards and magical servants has been surprisingly magic-free so far, but hopefully that will change in the fourth season.

    • Single Woman Has Facebook Profile Picture With Sister

      2:29

      A report confirms that many Iraqis are still holding a petty grudge about the U.S. invasion, an area man is outraged his private information is being collected by someone other than advertisers, and a new study proves it is impossible to lose weight, no o...

    • Friends Don’t Understand How Man Not Depressed

      1:21

      Citing factors such as his low-paying job, lack of foreseeable prospects, and modest living conditions, sources close to local resident Karl Brewster said Thursday they are at a loss to explain his day-to-day cheerfulness in the face of such a bleak exist...

    • Brendan Fraser: 'I Would Like To Apply For One Kickstarter, Please'

      1:45

      The ‘Mummy’ star joined in on the crowdsourcing trend this week, sending an application and cover letter in to the Kickstarter headquarters.

    • Couple Keeps Marriage Together For The Sake Of No One

      2:22

      Taylor Swift enters an alternate universe to date a body building George Harrison, a study finds that 83 percent of gamblers quit right before they would have hit the big one, and an Asian guy has a separate group of Asian friends.

    • Guy 30 Seconds Into Karaoke Version Of ‘Man In The Mirror’ Better Get His Act Together

      1:58

      Sources at Charley’s Bar and Grille are reporting that local man Peter Kagan, 34, who is currently 30 seconds into a karaoke version of the 1988 Michael Jackson song “Man In The Mirror,” better get his goddamn act together sometime fucki...

    • 'The Internship' Poised To Be Biggest Comedy Of 2005

      1:51

      Critics say the upcoming Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson film about interning at Google has everything an audience in 2005 could want in a comedy.

    • Lifeguard Hoping To Make Up For Last Summer

      2:30

      The U.S. Disc Jockey General urges Americans to get the Led out, a BuzzFeed writer resigns in disgrace after plagarizing '10 Llamas Who Wish They Were Models,' and the new and improved Google maps lets users launch missiles at any location on the globe.

    • Guy Wondering How Much Longer To Keep Picture Of Dead Friend As Profile Pic

      1:33

      SANTA CLARA, CA—With several weeks now having passed since the tragic death of his old college roommate, local man Keith Bisbee told reporters Friday he is uncertain just how long he has to continue using a photograph of his departed friend as his F...

    • Kourtney Kardashian’s Stunning Bikini Body Washes Up On Shore

      1:24

      The sexy Kardashian wowed beachgoers when her slim post-baby beach bod washed ashore Zuma Beach in Malibu.

    • Desperate Earth Begins Accelerating Rotation In Effort To Hurl Humankind Off Surface

      2:19

      The nation dredges up its last remaining reserves of grief, a study finds that anxiety can be resolved if you think about it real hard, and a woman who cracked three separate iPhone screens is expecting a baby boy this August. It's the week of May 24, 2013.

    • Xbox One Capable Of Controlling Users With Simple Voice Commands

      1:11

      Microsoft says their new Xbox features a host of simple voice commands that will easily control and instruct gamers.

    • Obama Aims To Limit Civilian Casualties With Switch To Taser Drones

      0:58

      President Obama announced today that he plans to reduce drone casualties by replacing missiles with high-range 11 megavolt tasers.

    • Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard

      1:29

      Potentially offering hope to millions of Americans struggling with psychological and emotional problems, a study published this week in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that test subjects were capable of fully resolving their anxiety by thinking ...

    • Web Series Reaches 100 Views

      2:16

      A comedic webisode about two roommates became a viral sensation this week after reaching the unprecedented 100 view milestone.

    • Tim Allen, Mark Wahlberg, And Tara Reid Spotted At Starbucks Discussing Oh God What Are They Planning?

      2:22

      The trio spent hours talking, prompting Hollywood to worry that they could be working on a project together.

    • Every Glass In Grandmother’s Cupboard Visibly Filthy

      2:52

      Sasha Obama becomes suspicious after doing a little digging around on Benghazi, this has to be the year a local miniature golf course goes out of business, and a dude with a knit hat at a party calls beer 'libations.' It's the week of May 17, 2013

    • Sponsored Content Pretty Fucking Awesome

      1:16

      Media consumers across the United States are reporting this week that sponsored content—articles and videos paid for by advertisers and distributed by print and digital publications—is easily the coolest ... Full Report

    • Possum Gazes Longingly At Family Walking Dog

      2:26

      A heartbroken Chris Brown always thought Rihanna was the woman he'd beat to death, a mentally unstable man is planning on exhibiting one or two more warning signs before finally doing this, and a snooze button time travler sets his coordinates for 5-minut...

    • Mentally Unstable Man To Exhibit 1 Or 2 More Warning Signs Before Finally Doing This

      1:09

      Local mentally ill man Michael Redding, 26, announced his intention Thursday to display one or two further instances of troubling behavior before finally going ahead and carrying out what he has planned.

    • Autopsy Of A Scene: Paul Feig Points Out How Many Ghosts Are In This Scene From 'The Heat'

      1:34

      Director Paul Feig narrates a clip from his new film 'The Heat,' which he says, like 'Bridesmaids,' is a ghost story at heart.

    • USA Renews 'Burn Notice,' 'Royal Pains,' 'Burn Collar,' 'Covert Notice,' 'Royal Affairs,' 'Legal Burns'

      1:48

      The popular network will bring back all 90 of its current sun-soaked shows about spies or lawyers or something.

    • Will Season Four Of ‘Downton Abbey’ Finally Show The Wizards Using Their Powers?

      1:05

      The popular series about a castle full of wizards and magical servants has been surprisingly magic-free so far, but hopefully that will change in the fourth season.

    • Brendan Fraser: 'I Would Like To Apply For One Kickstarter, Please'

      1:45

      The ‘Mummy’ star joined in on the crowdsourcing trend this week, sending an application and cover letter in to the Kickstarter headquarters.

    • 'The Internship' Poised To Be Biggest Comedy Of 2005

      1:51

      Critics say the upcoming Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson film about interning at Google has everything an audience in 2005 could want in a comedy.

    • Kourtney Kardashian’s Stunning Bikini Body Washes Up On Shore

      1:24

      The sexy Kardashian wowed beachgoers when her slim post-baby beach bod washed ashore Zuma Beach in Malibu.

    • Web Series Reaches 100 Views

      2:16

      A comedic webisode about two roommates became a viral sensation this week after reaching the unprecedented 100 view milestone.

    • Tim Allen, Mark Wahlberg, And Tara Reid Spotted At Starbucks Discussing Oh God What Are They Planning?

      2:22

      The trio spent hours talking, prompting Hollywood to worry that they could be working on a project together.

    • David Fincher To Helm YouTube’s First Hour-Long Drama Series 'Turtle Has Sex With Shoes'

      1:47

      YouTube is the latest site to jump into the original programming arena with the announcement of a gritty adaptation of the popular video.

    • iInterviewer: Jason Schwartzman and Roman Coppola Talk Their New Movie, Inevitable Deaths 

      1:52
      Our state-of-the-art entertainment reporter talks to director Roman Coppola and star Jason Schwartzman of 'A Glimpse Inside The Mind Of Charles Swan III.' 
    • After Weeks Of Media Pressure, Shia LaBeouf Still Refusing To Have Public Meltdown

      2:48

      In this Star Fix Quick Hit, Angelique Clark looks at the media's ongoing efforts to push Shia LaBeouf over the edge into a Charlie Sheen-style breakdown.

    • Leaf From "Tree Of Life" Frontrunner For Best Actor Oscar

      2:15

      On Star Fix, entertainment insiders say this might be the year Hollywood's favorite leaf, which has appeared in more than 60 films, finally takes home the Academy Award.

    • Meet The Man Inside The Nicolas Cage Costume

      2:41

      Star Fix has an exclusive interview with the man who has enchanted audiences for the last 30 years playing the delightfully wacky, oversized puppet of Nicolas Cage.

    • Tyler Perry Expands His Fan Base With New Films About Sassy, Chinese Grandmother

      1:48

      Tyler Perry has signed a $50 million deal to expand his franchise to include films targeted at the world's 1.4 billion Chinese moviegoers.

    • Justin Timberlake Wins Golden Globe For Funniest Goofball At His Table

      2:19

      Justin Timberlake finally receives the recognition he deserves for being everybody's favorite jokester.

    • Witch Who Granted Beyoncé Beauty And Fame Takes Singer's First-Born Child

      2:30

      Moments after Beyoncé gave birth, a witch appeared in a cloud of smoke to claim the child as her payment for giving the singer fame, beauty, and talent.

    • Traveling Group Of Medieval Mummers Is America's Top Pick For Holiday Entertainment

      2:32

      The must-see hit of the holidays is a group of medieval mummers, who are going door-to-door singing old-fashioned ballads and acting out jovial plays in return for mugs of ale and gold pieces.

    • Ashton Moves On From Demi, Dating Evil Black Disc

      2:30

      Now that Demi is out of the picture, Ashton is up to his old bachelor ways, out on the town with his arms wrapped around a glowing disc hewn in the fires of hell.

    StarFix

    More

    Will Season Four Of ‘Downton Abbey’ Finally Show The Wizards Using Their Powers?

    1:05

    Brendan Fraser: 'I Would Like To Apply For One Kickstarter, Please'

    1:45

    'The Internship' Poised To Be Biggest Comedy Of 2005

    1:51

    Onion Film Standard

    More

    The Onion Looks Back At 'The Wizard Of Oz'

    2:37

    Onion Review

    More

    Single Woman Has Facebook Profile Picture With Sister

    2:29

    Couple Keeps Marriage Together For The Sake Of No One

    2:22

    Lifeguard Hoping To Make Up For Last Summer

    2:30

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