Bostonians Urged To Speak Like Normal Human Beings When Communicating With Flood Rescue Personnel

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Biologists Still No Closer To Discovering How Birds Have Sex

BERKELEY, CA—With not a single scientist having successfully observed the behavior despite extensive ongoing research, the field of biology has made no progress in its understanding of how birds have sex, experts at the University of California told reporters Wednesday.

Best Buy Employee Wearing Different Colored Shirt For Some Reason

‘His Shirt Is Black,’ Confused Customers Say

FAIRFAX, VA—Eyeing the staff member with wariness and confusion, customers at the Fair City Mall Best Buy location confirmed Wednesday that one of the store’s employees was, for some reason, wearing a black shirt rather than a blue one like the rest of his coworkers.

Nobel Peace Prize Candidates

There are 273 candidates for the Nobel Peace Prize this year, the second-highest number of nominees ever, and the laureate(s) will be announced Friday before the prize ceremony in December. Here are some notable candidates for this year’s award:
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  • Father Apologizes For Taking Out Anger On Wrong Son

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Bostonians Urged To Speak Like Normal Human Beings When Communicating With Flood Rescue Personnel

The Onion Weather Center focuses on the Northeast, where it's a perfect day for a wealthy brat to fall off her daddy's horse; flood-ridden Bostonians are urged to use actual words when asking relief workers for help; and the region's minorities are once again forced to paint the fall leaves one by one.