Catholic Teen's Life Ends At Conception

In This Section

Vol 49 Issue 16

Lakers vs. Spurs

The Lakers face the Spurs in the first round of the NBA playoffs, reigniting a rivalry not quite as old as most of the players involved.

Louis Charles

Louis Charles, 17, added a little water to the nearly empty mustard bottle so his parents wouldn’t be able to tell he took some.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Productivity

Scientists Posit Theoretical ‘Productive Weekend’

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Challenging long-accepted scientific convention, a group of leading MIT scientists published a report Thursday positing that, under certain rare and specific conditions, a so-called “productive weekend” is theoretically pos...

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Catholic Teen's Life Ends At Conception

Next week's school shooting victims thank the members of Senate for failing to pass the gun bill, the cutest guy in an office is not particularly attractive, and an area man is tired of rushing home to hug his loved ones. It's the week of April 19, 2013.

Jump to next story

Onion Video

Watch More