Cutest Guy In Whole Office Not Even Particularly Attractive

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Report: One In Three Americans Will Get Dessert If Someone Else Does

WASHINGTON—Noting that many of those surveyed reported feeling kind of full but could “probably make room” for ice cream or pie, a report published Thursday by the Pew Research Center found that nearly a third of Americans would be willing to get dessert if someone else does.

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Cutest Guy In Whole Office Not Even Particularly Attractive

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Saying that he’s “okay-looking but definitely nothing special,” employees at Southeastern Publishing Services reported Wednesday that Brian Tyler, a 27-year-old digital communications coordinator widely considered to be the cutest guy in the office, is not even particularly attractive. “It’s funny, because he’s nicer to look at than any other guy here, for sure, but you wouldn’t even give him a second glance if you saw him in a crowd or at a party,” said assistant sales manager Jessica Hartman, echoing thoughts reportedly shared by all of her coworkers. “Anywhere else he’d be pretty average, but here people treat him like he’s Ryan Gosling or something. You’d think in an office this size there would be someone cuter, but nope, out of the 50 or so guys who work here, he’s basically as hot as it gets.” Pressed further on the issue of Tyler’s attractiveness, several staff members acknowledged that if the circumstances arose, sure, they’d fuck him, why not?