Doctor Recalls Average-Looking Sibling Who Inspired Him To Go Into Cosmetic Surgery

Top Headlines

Local

Neighborhood Starting To Get Too Safe For Family To Afford

CHICAGO—Explaining that the sense of unease she felt walking to and from her home had declined markedly over the years, Humboldt Park resident Kirsten Healy expressed her disappointment to reporters Thursday that her neighborhood was becoming too safe for her family to afford.

Area Dad Informs Busboy He’s Ready To Order

NASHUA, NH—Raising his arm into the air while leaning outward from the table in a bid to command attention from the other side of the restaurant, area father Walter Bierko called over a busboy at DiCapri’s Italian Eatery to inform him that he was ready to order, sources reported Wednesday.

Winning Argument With Aging Parents Less Satisfying Than It Once Was

CINCINNATI—After firmly telling them that she was okay paying city prices and that she would not move back to her hometown just because it was cheaper, local woman Ellen Wallace, 40, confirmed Thursday that winning an argument with her parents has become much less satisfying as they have gotten older.

Rescuers Heroically Help Beached Garbage Back Into Ocean

ATLANTIC BEACH, NC—In what many described as an inspiring display of selflessness and teamwork, a group of rescuers heroically saved a beached mound of garbage by helping the stranded trash back into the ocean, eyewitnesses reported Thursday.

Man Races Against Time To Take Out Trash Bag With Widening Puncture

RIO RANCHO, NM—His pace steadily quickening as he rounded the corner out of his kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, local man Henry Parnasse reportedly found himself locked in a race against time Wednesday morning to take out a trash bag with a widening hole in its side.

Man Pushed Off Plate Of Chicken Wings By Larger Male

WARMINSTER, PA—Looking on as the intense display of aggressive behavior played out over several minutes, sources at Flannigan’s Bar & Grill confirmed Thursday that local man Pete Samuelson was pushed off a plate of buffalo wings by a much larger alpha male.

Grandma Guts It Out Through Lunch On Sunny Patio

MALVERN, PA—Making the audacious decision to dine outdoors with her family despite a noticeable lack of umbrellas or awnings, grandmother Diane McGilvery, 83, reportedly gutted it out through lunch Friday on the sunny patio of a local restaurant.

Parents Formally Announce Transfer Of Expectations To Second Child

GRAND JUNCTION, CO—Explaining that the adjustment made the most practical sense for all parties involved, local parents Beth and Ryan Morgan held a press conference Friday morning to announce the official transfer of expectations from their oldest child, Jeremy, to his younger sibling, Angie.

Motorcyclist Salvaged For Parts

SIOUX FALLS, SD—Following a multiple-vehicle accident on Interstate 90 that temporarily halted traffic in both directions, sources reported Friday that a motorcyclist involved in the crash was hauled off and salvaged for parts.

Detective Not Sure He Was Close Enough To Partner To Endlessly Pursue Killer

DETROIT—After his partner of three years was gunned down last week while the pair were on duty, Detective David Killian of the Detroit Police Department’s Major Case Squad told reporters Wednesday he was unsure whether he had been close enough to his murdered colleague to single-mindedly pursue the killer for as long as it takes.

Man Pretty Cocky Since Beating Cancer

FT. LAUDERDALE, FL—Whether he’s bragging about his newfound appreciation for life or arrogantly refusing to take anything for granted, local man Daniel Oretsky, 38, has been acting insufferably cocky since winning his two-year battle with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, sources confirmed Tuesday.

Area Man Under Impression He Got Dressed Up

PROVIDENCE, RI—Explaining that the dinner he would soon be having at an upscale restaurant required him to wear something a bit special, local man Kyle Finnegan was under the impression that he had just gotten dressed up, sources said Thursday.

Man Honestly Thought Breakdown Would Be More Obvious To People

MAPLEWOOD, MN—Explaining that he had assumed the deterioration of his physical and psychological state would be readily apparent, 3M sales associate Mark Uhler told reporters Wednesday he honestly thought his ongoing breakdown would be more obvious to everyone around him.

Report: Dad Wants To Show You Where Fuse Box Is

YOUR LOCATION—Noting that it’s important to be prepared in case of emergencies but it’s also a good thing to know in general, your dad announced today that he wants to show you where the fuse box is.

Neighborhood Busybody Reports Sound Of Gunshots

INDIANAPOLIS—Once again sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong, neighborhood busybody Sally Christensen, 54, reportedly took it upon herself to report the sound of gunshots to law enforcement early Tuesday morning, sources confirmed.

Being Older Than Daughter Babysitter’s Only Qualification

UTICA, NY—Possessing no particular proficiencies or training whatsoever, local 12-year-old Jessica Radloff was reportedly hired to babysit Hayley Carden, 7, this week based solely on her qualification of being older than the child she was asked to watch.

Total Weirdo Spends Mother’s Day At Cemetery

ST. MARYS, OH—Apparently content to hang around dead people rather than celebrate like a normal person, area weirdo John Mills spent most of Mother’s Day at a local cemetery, creeped-out sources confirmed.

Child Visiting Ellis Island Sees Where Grandparents Once Toured

ELLIS ISLAND, NY—Pausing to imagine the throngs of people who must have arrived with them that day back in 1994, 12-year-old Max Bertrand reportedly spent his visit to Ellis Island this afternoon walking around the same immigrant station his grandparents once toured.

Email From Mom Sent At 5:32 A.M.

DENVER—After waking up and finding the message waiting on his computer, local man Drew Swanson confirmed to reporters Thursday that his mother had sent him an email at 5:32 a.m.

Man Proud Of Food He Ordered

DEDHAM, MA—Noting how the man grinned with satisfaction after his Buffalo Chicken Ranch sandwich with a side of spiced panko onion rings arrived at his table, sources at Chili’s Grill & Bar confirmed Tuesday that local diner Matt Schoesse ...
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

House and Home

Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

Entertainment

  • How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

    The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Doctor Recalls Average-Looking Sibling Who Inspired Him To Go Into Cosmetic Surgery

MINNETONKA, MN—Saying he had witnessed up close the daily hardships endured by a young person impaired by a bland, unremarkable appearance, local doctor Daniel Barrett told reporters Wednesday how growing up with an average-looking brother inspired him to become a cosmetic surgeon.

“As a boy, I saw how my kid brother Kevin was held back every day by his mediocre looks, and I always wished I could do something to help him,” said Barrett, describing his sibling’s battle to overcome the commonplace, forgettable face he was born with. “He tried to be strong—you could see that he wanted to be just like the other, more attractive kids, but he was routinely ostracized. He knew that he was different, that he wasn’t particularly appealing physically, and he always had to work so much harder because of that. It’s heartbreaking to watch someone you love struggle with aesthetic imperfections, and that’s what made me dedicate my life to helping those who are similarly ordinary-looking.”

“No one should have to go through life without highly symmetrical facial features,” he added. “No one.”

Barrett stated that his brother suffered a difficult childhood, never developing the flawless complexion or well-defined bone structure of better-looking youths. Looking on helplessly one day as Kevin tried and failed to get the attention of an attractive girl at their high school, Barrett said he suddenly realized what kind of help his brother needed: an implant to fix his weak chin, a chemical peel to smooth over his skin blemishes, and an abdominoplasty to remove unsightly layers of excess skin and fat from his midsection. According to Barrett, at that very moment he chose to devote himself to eliminating such cosmetic shortcomings by pursuing a life of plastic surgery, laser skin resurfacing, and liposuction.

Barrett remarked that throughout his long years of medical training, whenever he encountered adversity during his studies or was plagued by personal doubts, he would often picture Kevin’s slight, undistinguished jawline and poorly proportioned ears to remind himself of the many people like his brother who were crippled by a plain appearance and in need of his assistance.

Now a practicing surgeon, Barrett is credited with saving hundreds of patients from unbalanced noses and thin, shapeless lips.

“It’s not an easy job, but when I start to feel overwhelmed by the pressure, I just look at the photo of my little brother that I keep on my desk and remember what all this is for,” said Barrett, gesturing to a framed photograph of Kevin that he says provides him with motivation every morning when he arrives at his office. “You see this smile? When I’m performing a facelift or a cheek augmentation, I think of this smile, and how just one collagen injection could soften the fine lines and wrinkles around it.”

“Some people get into this profession for the money or the prestige, but for me it’s a far more personal matter,” Barrett continued. “I do it for Kevin and all the jowled, snub-nosed people out there like him.”

Citing Kevin’s sagging brow line and dark under-eye circles as reminders of the many challenges faced by those with aesthetic deficits, Barrett admitted he often finds himself wondering how things might have been different if his brother had received proper treatment for his condition. It is his hope, he said, to give young people who are not particularly attractive the kinds of opportunities Kevin never had.

“Imagine what it must be like for the kid who dreads picture day at school and who will never go to prom with a popular girl because he lacks sharply chiseled features,” Barrett said. “I want to help that kid overcome his adversity.”

“If I can use the craft of cosmetic surgery to allow just one 15-year-old to walk out of here with rejuvenated facial skin and alluringly reshaped eyelids,” he continued, “I’ll know I’ve made a difference.”