Economists: People Who Paint Selves Silver And Pretend To Be Statues Make Average Of $10 Million Per Year

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Vol 49 Issue 30

Tall Women At Higher Risk For Cancer

According to a new study, tall postmenopausal women are more likely to develop cancer than shorter women, with researchers finding that every 4-inch increase in height correlated to a 13 percent higher risk of a variety of cancers.

Lincoln Memorial Vandalized With Green Paint

Police closed the Lincoln Memorial early today after discovering that vandals had splattered green paint along the base of the iconic statue of 16th president Abraham Lincoln, as well as on the monument’s marble floor.
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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

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Economists: People Who Paint Selves Silver And Pretend To Be Statues Make Average Of $10 Million Per Year

Economists at Harvard University released a new study this week indicating that Americans who paint themselves silver and pretend to be statues in public spaces make, on average, $10 million per year.

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