A new law prohibits kaleidoscoping while driving. The nation's ninety-somethings gear up for the last year of their lives. And Vice-President Joe Biden puts up a flyer advertising guitar lessons on a White House bulletin board. You may now stop the continuous playback loop of the previous Review and begin playing this video 24 hours a day at full volume. Welcome to The Onion Week in Review. From coast to coast and town to town in nearly every public meeting space and private residence, millions of Americans have been captivated, inspired, and in some cases even moved to tears by Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, all signs that the nation has undeniably been swept up in full scale Romneymania. The raw energy and enthusiasm of Romney coupled with his uplifting story of rising from moderate wealth to overwhelming riches are just some of the reasons reverent portraits of the former Massachusetts governor have started appearing in windows across the country, often accompanied by one of Romney's signature inspirational phrases, such as "let Detroit go bankrupt", or "Corporations are people." Additionally radio stations from every major market have reported being bombarded day and night by callers wishing to publicly express their adoration of the candidate. When he says raising taxes for the rich is class warfare, it's like he's speaking directly to me. I waiting in line 12 hours to hear how he reversed his stance on universal healthcare. It was incredible. Mitt I love you! This recent message from Mitt Romney's Twitter feed has already been retweeted more than 150 million times. A month after the death of leader Kim Jong Il, North Korea's 24.5 million citizens have returned to their regular daily routines this week, holding a festive, synchronized disco jump-rope gala in Pyongyang's main public square. Life in the hermetic communist nation is reportedly beginning to normalize following the protracted mourning period with citizens once again donning their brightly colored uniforms and performing intricate gymnastics routines in perfect unison. It is an inspiring sight to see so many loyal citizens find the strength to unfurl their long silken streamers and do dozens of tandem backflips set to dance music. Observers reported that new North Korean leader Kim Jung Un nodded once in approval of the disco jump-rope gala signaling an official transfer of power. The nation was once again wowed this week by the feats of very strong little boy Michael Sartinsky who after removing his T-shirt to better display his impressive physique deadlifted an entire frozen turkey over his head and held it aloft for three full seconds. The latest demonstration of the pint-sized, muscleman's almost inhuman abilities comes on the heels of multiple accomplishments involving incredible displays of speed, strength and endurance. Over the past four months alone Sartinsky cleared the three foot chasm between his brother's bed and his own, beat his fully-grown uncle Scott in a foot race and threw a tennis ball clear onto the roof of his two-story house. Pound for pound, I honestly don't think there's a stronger boy on Earth. Have you felt his muscles? They're like solid rocks. And this week in science news, a coalition of researchers has come together to say that one third of the world's population has to die for civilization to be sustainable, adding "how do we want to do this?" And in other news, an embarrassed Secretary of Energy Steven Chu accidentally calls Barack Obama "Dad" in a cabinet meeting. The world's greatest trombonist just tells people he works in marketing. And a Ron Paul supporter likes the way the GOP candidate tells it like it has no chance of being. Listen, did you hear that? It's the sound of your sheep-like video plays being turned into advertising dollars, pure music. For more visit theonion.com/newsbeat.