Excited Man Only 2 Therapy Sessions Away From Resolving Issues

In This Section

Vol 49 Issue 15

Man Hacks Into Plane’s Flight Controls Using Phone App

To draw attention to the vulnerabilities of flight control systems, a security consultant created an app for his Android phone that lets him remotely seize control of a jetliner’s autopilot function, potentially allowing him to alter its flight path...

Peyton Manning Comes Out As Gay For Football

DENVER—In a stunning revelation Friday that sent shockwaves through the NFL, Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning announced during an emotional press conference that he is gay for football. “For many years I’ve struggled with hiding this s...
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage



Excited Man Only 2 Therapy Sessions Away From Resolving Issues

CHERRY HILL, NJ—After over seven years of weekly meetings with his psychiatrist, 35-year-old Chris Vaughan told reporters Friday he is thrilled to be just two 45-minute sessions away from completely resolving all of his problems. “Another 80 or 90 minutes in there and I should be all set,” said a smiling Vaughan, adding that he is looking forward to emerging as a fully secure, emotionally balanced individual devoid of any feelings of guilt, anxiety, or depression. “We’ll cover my parents next week, and after that we’ll take care of my trust issues, and then I should be good to go. I can’t wait to have it all wrapped up and be a totally validated and content human.” At press time, Vaughan’s fiancée had just broken off their engagement, delaying the completion of his therapy by another 672 sessions.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More