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    Fatal Staples Center Collapse Brings Merciful Early End To Clippers Game

    2:13

    People are breathing a sigh of relief today for the long-suffering spectators' sudden deaths, and for the total elimination of the Clippers' roster off the face of the earth.

    Recent News
    OSN Video Vault
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    • Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard

      1:29

      Potentially offering hope to millions of Americans struggling with psychological and emotional problems, a study published this week in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that test subjects were capable of fully resolving their anxiety by thinking ...

    • Web Series Reaches 100 Views

      2:16

      A comedic webisode about two roommates became a viral sensation this week after reaching the unprecedented 100 view milestone.

    • Tim Allen, Mark Wahlberg, And Tara Reid Spotted At Starbucks Discussing Oh God What Are They Planning?

      2:22

      The trio spent hours talking, prompting Hollywood to worry that they could be working on a project together.

    • Every Glass In Grandmother’s Cupboard Visibly Filthy

      2:52

      Sasha Obama becomes suspicious after doing a little digging around on Benghazi, this has to be the year a local miniature golf course goes out of business, and a dude with a knit hat at a party calls beer 'libations.' It's the week of May 17, 2013

    • Sponsored Content Pretty Fucking Awesome

      1:16

      Media consumers across the United States are reporting this week that sponsored content—articles and videos paid for by advertisers and distributed by print and digital publications—is easily the coolest ... Full Report

    • Possum Gazes Longingly At Family Walking Dog

      2:26

      A heartbroken Chris Brown always thought Rihanna was the woman he'd beat to death, a mentally unstable man is planning on exhibiting one or two more warning signs before finally doing this, and a snooze button time travler sets his coordinates for 5-minut...

    • Mentally Unstable Man To Exhibit 1 Or 2 More Warning Signs Before Finally Doing This

      1:09

      Local mentally ill man Michael Redding, 26, announced his intention Thursday to display one or two further instances of troubling behavior before finally going ahead and carrying out what he has planned.

    • Malicious Focus Group Convinces Marketers Cinnamon Mountain Dew Is The Next Big Thing

      1:29

      Following the saboteur antics of a prankster focus group that reportedly convinced company officials the drink was not only palatable but delicious, PepsiCo announced Thursday the launch of its new Mountain Dew CinnaBlast beverage.

    • Seedless Watermelon Coming To Grips With Fact It’ll Never Be Able To Have Kids

      3:02

      UMass Dartmouth is beginning to regret offering a course in Applied Domestic Terrorism, a social media rockstar makes $28,000 a year, and Miami Dolphins wide receiver Mike Wallace comes out as a stupid asshole.

    • Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year

      1:35

      Widely regarded as one of the online world’s brightest personalities, sources confirmed Friday that famed 28-year-old social media rock star Ryan Wasserman, better known as @RWthinks by his legions of passionate fans, makes roughly $28,000 per year.

    • Government-Issued PSA Urging Teens To Fuck Their Brains Out

      1:44

      The above is a 2008 PSA issued by the Department of Health and Human Services in support of the “Fuck Your Brains Out” sex education program.

    • Middle-Aged Funeral Director Buys Flashy Red Hearse

      2:19

      A study finds that wolf attacks are still the leading cause of death in America, a man says 'fuck it' and eats lunch and 10:58 a.m., and Dzhokar Tsarnaev posts bail.

    • Man Says 'Fuck It,' Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M.

      1:01

      Reasoning that he’s a grown adult who can eat food whenever he damn well pleases, local man Kyle Dunedin, 30, reportedly decided at 10:58 a.m.

    • There Are People In World Who Are Concerned About Current State Of Hip-Hop

      1:45

      A report published Friday by a team of sociologists has confirmed there are apparently people living in the world today who are deeply concerned about the current state of hip-hop and who continually express genuine worry over the musical genre’s fu...

    • Catholic Teen's Life Ends At Conception

      2:42

      Next week's school shooting victims thank the members of Senate for failing to pass the gun bill, the cutest guy in an office is not particularly attractive, and an area man is tired of rushing home to hug his loved ones.

    • Onion News Empire Official Trailer

      0:55

      Watch Onion News Empire, Episode 1 now.

    • VIRAL VIDEO: High School Sophomore Sinks Incredible, Unnecessary Half-Court Shot

      2:41

      Ryan Jurgens rode the bench most of the season, but when his coach gave him a chance, it really paid off!

    • Cutest Guy In Whole Office Not Even Particularly Attractive

      1:17

      Saying that he’s “okay-looking but definitely nothing special,” employees at Southeastern Publishing Services reported Wednesday that Brian Tyler, a 27-year-old digital communications coordinator widely considered to be the cutest guy in...

    • Brad Pitt Decides To Grow Out Forehead Hair

      3:05

      Leading social media site HarvardConnection is now valued at $400 billion, a couple is making out like its fucking Paris, and a freezing coatless woman has decided it's spring.

    • Excited Man Only 2 Therapy Sessions Away From Resolving Issues

      1:12

      After over seven years of weekly meetings with his psychiatrist, 35-year-old Chris Vaughan told reporters Friday he is thrilled to be just two 45-minute sessions away from completely resolving all of his problems. 

    • Couple Making Out At Bus Stop Like It's Fucking Paris 

      1:21

      According to locals waiting for the westbound number 66 shuttle at Chicago Avenue and Racine Avenue, a young man and woman seated on a bench at the bus stop are currently making out like it’s fucking Paris or something.

    • How One Hot New Device Helps Couples Drag Out Their Doomed Relationship That Extra Month Or Two

      2:59

      The amazing new "Relationship Pro" video game controller lets both members of a couple pretend they are in a healthy relationship.

    • Popular Children's Book Author Reveals The 'Spooky Truth' About Creepy Conspiracy Theories

      4:18

      The bestselling author of “The Spooky Truth” series wants to teach kids that pulling back the curtain on what the government doesn’t want us to know can be fun!

    • Report: Saxophone Still An Okay Vehicle For Self-Expression

      1:13

      While declaring that the musical instrument was by no means ideally suited to the task, a report released by the National Endowment for the Arts Thursday concluded that the saxophone nevertheless remains a fairly decent vehicle for expressing one’s ...

    • Businessman Does His Work Lying On Bed Like Schoolgirl

      2:42

      An aquarium unveils its new 'Floating Carcasses of the Pacific' exhibit, a guy with 10,000 tweets and 15 followers is about ready to hang it up, and a local father buys string cheese to make coming to his house more fun. It's the week of March 29, 2013.

    • Ashamed Student Affairs Committee Reveals There Aren’t Any Awesome Events Happening On Campus This Weekend

      1:07

      Expressing shame and remorse in an email to the students of Hamilton College on Friday, disgraced student affairs coordinator Jessica Li, 20, regretfully informed undergraduates that there would be no cool events occurring on campus this weekend.

    • Finance Expert Saves Struggling Zoo By Firing All Employees, Getting Rid of Cages

      2:56
      On Today NOW!, the savvy businessman who turned a zoo on the verge of bankruptcy into a money-making machine shares management tips with Jim and Tracy.
    • Guy With 10,000 Tweets, 15 Followers About Ready To Hang It Up

      1:23

      Saying that he’s probably done all he could possibly do at this point, Twitter user Aaron Gartner confirmed Tuesday that after posting 10,000 tweets and accumulating just 15 followers, the 26-year-old is pretty much ready to pack it in and discontin...

    • Soccer Officially Announces It Is Gay

      2:24

      Plagued for years by swirling rumors about its sexuality, soccer has finally come out, becoming the world's first openly gay sport.

    • Jockey Liam Hollins The Favorite To Brutally Whip Horse To Kentucky Derby Win

      2:32

      Fresh from his Blue Grass Stakes win, Hollins moves onto the Kentucky Derby where he hopes to be the first to mercilessly beat a horse across the finish line.

    • Red Sox Announce Plans To Return Fenway To Original 1912 Conditions

      1:49

      Nostalgic Sox fans will be delighted by the re-antiquated Fenway Park complete with splintered bleachers and obstructed views.

    • Kentucky Violated NCAA Rules While Recruiting Basketball-Playing Dog

      1:48

      The NCAA will investigate the Kentucky program for major recruiting violations including improper gifts of milk bones and rope tug toys.

    • Packers Fan Announces He Will Return To Drinking For Another Season

      2:40

      Chris Lukawski, a longtime devotee of the Packers and beer, is confident his battered liver and family can handle another NFL season of unrestrained alcohol consumption.

    • Fatal Staples Center Collapse Brings Merciful Early End To Clippers Game

      2:13

      People are breathing a sigh of relief today for the long-suffering spectators' sudden deaths, and for the total elimination of the Clippers' roster off the face of the earth.

    • Bad Boy Fencing Star Implicated In Yet Another Daring Jewel Heist

      2:42

      Steam Room analysts debate whether the International Fencing Federation should rein in this rogue, or if De La Croix will narrowly escape yet again.

    • NFL Players Mentor Troubled Detroit Lions

      1:42

      Thanks to the NFL's Mentoring Program, the Lions got to spend a fun-filled day with the pros learning to catch, tackle.

    • Baseball Superstar Accused of Performance-Enhancing Genie Use

      2:48

      Despite eyebrows raised by his .850 batting average and Persian oil lamp he carries everywhere, 'Magic Lamp' emphatically denies ever using a genie.

    • Evander Holyfield To Box Horse For Heavyweight Title

      2:28
      Boxing officials are hoping the once in a lifetime chance to see Holyfield try to take down thoroughbred Evening Dream will reignite interest in...
    • NHL Tries To Woo Fans By Increasing Scoring With Bigger Nets, 3-Point Line

      1:51
      Hockey officials hope to attract fans and create a higher-scoring, fast-paced game with a new aerodynamic puck and artificial turf instead of ice.
    • NCAA Expands March Madness To Include 4,096 Teams

      2:18

      Online universities and bible colleges will be among the thousands of teams vying to prove they are the best in the nation.

    • Tom Coughlin Retires From Family To Spend More Time With Team

      2:16

      The Giants Coach said he valued the years he spent with his family, but wants to focus on more important things now.

    • Yankees Building New Vacation Stadium In The Hamptons

      2:06

      The new facility will be an intimate beachfront stadium where the Yankees can go to get away from the hustle and bustle of New York City.

    • Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jacksonville Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life

      2:32

      After comprehending the capricious nature of fate, the Jaguars could not go through with the charade of playing a meaningless football game.

    • 2-Year-Old Donkey Called Up To Pro Donkey Basketball League

      2:05

      Scouts say Scraps is the best donkey basketball player they have seen in years, but some are concerned he’s not mature enough for the big time.

    • NHL Star Called Up To Big Leagues To Play For NFL Team

      1:42

      The Miami Dolphins have drafted NHL star Alexander Ovechkin, making his dream to play professional sports a reality.

    • Ngyuen Thi Buch Thuy: 'Just Give Me The Damn Sepak Takraw Ball'

      2:05

      Sepak takraw fan favorite Nguyen Thi Buch Thuy has once again angered Coach Lap with his antics on the pitch.

    • NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: 'Drive Fast'

      2:41

      On the eve of the Sears Classic 500, legendary NASCAR coach Dan Amon shares his strategy for driving really fast in circles.

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    Seedless Watermelon Coming To Grips With Fact It’ll Never Be Able To Have Kids

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    Middle-Aged Funeral Director Buys Flashy Red Hearse

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    Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year

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    Government-Issued PSA Urging Teens To Fuck Their Brains Out

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