Fucking Oasis To Probably Be Worked Into Olympics Opening Ceremony

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Vol 48 Issue 30

The Hell You Are Wearing That

Bravo 9:00 p.m. EDT/8:00 p.m. CDT Fathers scrutinize their daughters’ clothing choices in a never-ending cycle of negative attention and attention-seeking. Based on the British show.

David Koch

Multibillionaire industrialist and archconservative David Koch gave $7 million to the PBS show Nova.

Ashley Hamilton

Sales executive Ashley Hamilton listened to a voicemail from her mom all the way through.

Disney World Visitors Contract Mystery Illness

Since June, several dozen visitors to Walt Disney World’s Wild Africa Trek in Florida have been sickened by an unknown illness that causes flu-like symptoms, including nausea, fatigue, and diarrhea.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fun

  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Fucking Oasis To Probably Be Worked Into Olympics Opening Ceremony

Chick-fil-A debuts its new homophobic sandwich, the 'Queer-Hatin' Cordon Bleu,' a horrible couple really wants their wedding to reflect their personalities, and Uncle Ben's plans to compete against Apple with a brand new smart phone. It's the week of July 23rd, 2012.

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