Fucking Oasis To Probably Be Worked Into Olympics Opening Ceremony

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Man Races Against Time To Take Out Trash Bag With Widening Puncture

RIO RANCHO, NM—His pace steadily quickening as he rounded the corner out of his kitchen and made a beeline for the front door, local man Henry Parnasse reportedly found himself locked in a race against time Wednesday morning to take out a trash bag with a widening hole in its side.

Tips For Traveling With Young Children

Family vacations can be a time for bonding and building lasting memories, but when young children are involved, trips can also be stressful to plan and execute. Here are The Onion’s tips for traveling with kids
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Fucking Oasis To Probably Be Worked Into Olympics Opening Ceremony

Chick-fil-A debuts its new homophobic sandwich, the 'Queer-Hatin' Cordon Bleu,' a horrible couple really wants their wedding to reflect their personalities, and Uncle Ben's plans to compete against Apple with a brand new smart phone. It's the week of July 23rd, 2012.