GOP Supports Obama For 2012: 'We Need More Time To Completely Ruin His Life'

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Vol 47 Issue 32

Seeing Eye Dog Really Blows Off Some Steam In Dog Park

FORT COLLINS, CO—From the moment he was let loose in a local dog park Saturday, golden retriever and licensed Seeing Eye dog Biscuit reportedly blew off some steam by jumping up to lick people's faces, urinating on smaller dogs, and chasing almost e...

Obama Proposes Tax Increase On Meanest 2% Of Population

WASHINGTON—In the latest administration initiative meant to reassure citizens nervous about the slow pace of economic recovery, President Obama proposed a tax hike this week for the shittiest, most self-absorbed 2 percent of Americans.
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  • The Onion’s Guide To Beach Etiquette

    The arrival of summer means that the nation’s beaches will soon be crowded with swimmers, tanners, surfers, and more, so it’s important for everyone to be conscious of each other’s space and needs. Here are some etiquette tips to ensure that everyone has a safe and relaxing time at the beach:

GOP Supports Obama For 2012: 'We Need More Time To Completely Ruin His Life'

Straight and gay service members are looking forward to asking and telling, scientists believe the recent heat wave may have been caused by a massive star at the center of the Solar System, and Bristol Palin reveals that her mother has had 15 abortions. It's the week of August 8th, 2011.

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