Guy Wondering How Much Longer To Keep Picture Of Dead Friend As Profile Pic

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Vol 49 Issue 22

Lifeguard Hoping To Make Up For Last Summer

The U.S. Disc Jockey General urges Americans to get the Led out, a BuzzFeed writer resigns in disgrace after plagarizing '10 Llamas Who Wish They Were Models,' and the new and improved Google maps lets users launch missiles at any location on the globe.
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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

Guy Wondering How Much Longer To Keep Picture Of Dead Friend As Profile Pic

SANTA CLARA, CA—With several weeks now having passed since the tragic death of his old college roommate, local man Keith Bisbee told reporters Friday he is uncertain just how long he has to continue using a photograph of his departed friend as his Facebook profile picture. “I’ve had this photo of Matt up for a while now, so I’ve probably honored his memory pretty sufficiently at this point, right? What are the rules here?” said the 29-year-old, referring to the late Matthew Abrams, who in April succumbed to injuries sustained in a car accident, and whose photo has been featured on Bisbee’s profile ever since. “Obviously, I can’t leave it up forever—that would be creepy. But then again, it might look really weird if I just went back to my normal picture all of a sudden. Maybe if I change it late at night nobody will notice?” At press time, Bisbee confirmed he had switched his profile picture to a pro-gay-marriage equals sign and “[was] hoping for the best.”

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