Hot New Relationship Book Warns Women: 'Wake Up! He's A Shapeshifter'

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Vol 46 Issue 11

NHL Holds Fan Attendance Night

NEW YORK—In a promotion aimed at encouraging people who like hockey to come and watch teams play the sport, the NHL held its first-ever Fan Attendance Night on Tuesday.

Newest Bronco Brady Quinn: 'The Brody Qualls Era Has Begun'

DENVER—In the first of what is expected to be a long series of gaffes with his new team, quarterback Brady Quinn bungled a statement to Broncos coaches, players, and fans Tuesday by mistakenly declaring that the Brody Qualls era had begun in Denver.

Sometimes, Area Woman Just Feels...

BELMONT, NH—"It's not anybody’s fault, honestly," said 28-year-old Megan Slota, standing in her kitchen and holding a mug of tea with both hands. "Sometimes I just get like this where it's like I'm not, I guess, whatever. We don’t have to get into it right now."

Entire Nation Picks Same Bracket

WASHINGTON—Citizens across the United States have selected the exact same teams to win every single game of the NCAA Tournament, handing in millions of completely identical brackets, college-basketball-pool organizers reported Thursday.

Merlin Olsen

As a defensive lineman, the late Merlin Olsen was a 14-time Pro Bowler; as an actor, he starred in Father Murphy. Was he any good?
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Man Commits To New TV Show Just Hours After Getting Out Of 7-Season Series

UNION CITY, NJ—Recommending that he give himself the chance to pause and explore the other options out there, friends of local man Jonathan Gember expressed their concerns to reporters Wednesday that the 29-year-old is already committing to a new television show just hours after getting out of a seven-season-long series.

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