Hot New Video Game Consists Solely Of Shooting People Point-Blank In The Face

In This Section

Customer Service

Heineken

Brightly Colored Uniforms Boost Employee Morale

ELGIN, IL—The recent implementation of new cardinal and maize uniforms as the mandatory dress code at GrocerKing Food Stores has not only made employees look better, but also greatly boosted worker morale, sources within the regional supermarket chain's extensive management hierarchy reported Monday.

Bank Patrons Can Expect Same Poor Service After Merger

ROANOKE, VA—A day after the bank's record-breaking $42 billion merger with First Federal of Virginia, spokespersons for Midlantic Trust held a press conference Monday to assure Midlantic customers that they can still expect the same atrocious service they have always received in the past. "Just because we've merged with First Federal doesn't mean we've changed," Midlantic president Harlan Shore said. "In the future, you can expect the same long lines, stand-offish tellers, and exorbitantly high loan rates you've come to count on here at Midlantic."

Telemarketers May Not Actually Care How You Are Doing

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Late in the afternoon, the warm, cheery sound of a ringing telephone fills the home of San Diego housewife Sandy Morris. "How are you doing?" asks the caller, her voice calm and friendly on the line. Pleased with the caller's good-natured, neighborly inquiry into her well-being, Morris warms to the conversation, and the two women quickly establish a rapport.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Comfort

  • Entire Room Mentally Shaving Man's Facial Hair

    WHITE PLAINS, NY—Stunned and visibly offended by the sheer volume of facial hair visible before them, every single customer at local diner Hubbard's this morning was reportedly eyeing 28-year-old fellow patron David Kellerman and mentally shaving of...

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Customer Service

Heineken

Customer Service Video