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    HP Offers 'That Cloud Thing Everyone Is Talking About'

    2:10

    HP announced they're making a new push into cloud computing and that they totally know what that is.

    Recent News
    Biggest Stories Of 2012
    Tech Trends
    All Videos
    • Study: Anxiety Resolved By Thinking About It Real Hard

      1:29

      Potentially offering hope to millions of Americans struggling with psychological and emotional problems, a study published this week in The New England Journal Of Medicine found that test subjects were capable of fully resolving their anxiety by thinking ...

    • Web Series Reaches 100 Views

      2:16

      A comedic webisode about two roommates became a viral sensation this week after reaching the unprecedented 100 view milestone.

    • Tim Allen, Mark Wahlberg, And Tara Reid Spotted At Starbucks Discussing Oh God What Are They Planning?

      2:22

      The trio spent hours talking, prompting Hollywood to worry that they could be working on a project together.

    • Every Glass In Grandmother’s Cupboard Visibly Filthy

      2:52

      Sasha Obama becomes suspicious after doing a little digging around on Benghazi, this has to be the year a local miniature golf course goes out of business, and a dude with a knit hat at a party calls beer 'libations.' It's the week of May 17, 2013

    • Sponsored Content Pretty Fucking Awesome

      1:16

      Media consumers across the United States are reporting this week that sponsored content—articles and videos paid for by advertisers and distributed by print and digital publications—is easily the coolest ... Full Report

    • Possum Gazes Longingly At Family Walking Dog

      2:26

      A heartbroken Chris Brown always thought Rihanna was the woman he'd beat to death, a mentally unstable man is planning on exhibiting one or two more warning signs before finally doing this, and a snooze button time travler sets his coordinates for 5-minut...

    • Mentally Unstable Man To Exhibit 1 Or 2 More Warning Signs Before Finally Doing This

      1:09

      Local mentally ill man Michael Redding, 26, announced his intention Thursday to display one or two further instances of troubling behavior before finally going ahead and carrying out what he has planned.

    • Malicious Focus Group Convinces Marketers Cinnamon Mountain Dew Is The Next Big Thing

      1:29

      Following the saboteur antics of a prankster focus group that reportedly convinced company officials the drink was not only palatable but delicious, PepsiCo announced Thursday the launch of its new Mountain Dew CinnaBlast beverage.

    • Seedless Watermelon Coming To Grips With Fact It’ll Never Be Able To Have Kids

      3:02

      UMass Dartmouth is beginning to regret offering a course in Applied Domestic Terrorism, a social media rockstar makes $28,000 a year, and Miami Dolphins wide receiver Mike Wallace comes out as a stupid asshole.

    • Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year

      1:35

      Widely regarded as one of the online world’s brightest personalities, sources confirmed Friday that famed 28-year-old social media rock star Ryan Wasserman, better known as @RWthinks by his legions of passionate fans, makes roughly $28,000 per year.

    • Government-Issued PSA Urging Teens To Fuck Their Brains Out

      1:44

      The above is a 2008 PSA issued by the Department of Health and Human Services in support of the “Fuck Your Brains Out” sex education program.

    • Middle-Aged Funeral Director Buys Flashy Red Hearse

      2:19

      A study finds that wolf attacks are still the leading cause of death in America, a man says 'fuck it' and eats lunch and 10:58 a.m., and Dzhokar Tsarnaev posts bail.

    • Man Says 'Fuck It,' Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M.

      1:01

      Reasoning that he’s a grown adult who can eat food whenever he damn well pleases, local man Kyle Dunedin, 30, reportedly decided at 10:58 a.m.

    • There Are People In World Who Are Concerned About Current State Of Hip-Hop

      1:45

      A report published Friday by a team of sociologists has confirmed there are apparently people living in the world today who are deeply concerned about the current state of hip-hop and who continually express genuine worry over the musical genre’s fu...

    • Catholic Teen's Life Ends At Conception

      2:42

      Next week's school shooting victims thank the members of Senate for failing to pass the gun bill, the cutest guy in an office is not particularly attractive, and an area man is tired of rushing home to hug his loved ones.

    • Onion News Empire Official Trailer

      0:55

      Watch Onion News Empire, Episode 1 now.

    • VIRAL VIDEO: High School Sophomore Sinks Incredible, Unnecessary Half-Court Shot

      2:41

      Ryan Jurgens rode the bench most of the season, but when his coach gave him a chance, it really paid off!

    • Cutest Guy In Whole Office Not Even Particularly Attractive

      1:17

      Saying that he’s “okay-looking but definitely nothing special,” employees at Southeastern Publishing Services reported Wednesday that Brian Tyler, a 27-year-old digital communications coordinator widely considered to be the cutest guy in...

    • Brad Pitt Decides To Grow Out Forehead Hair

      3:05

      Leading social media site HarvardConnection is now valued at $400 billion, a couple is making out like its fucking Paris, and a freezing coatless woman has decided it's spring.

    • Excited Man Only 2 Therapy Sessions Away From Resolving Issues

      1:12

      After over seven years of weekly meetings with his psychiatrist, 35-year-old Chris Vaughan told reporters Friday he is thrilled to be just two 45-minute sessions away from completely resolving all of his problems. 

    • Couple Making Out At Bus Stop Like It's Fucking Paris 

      1:21

      According to locals waiting for the westbound number 66 shuttle at Chicago Avenue and Racine Avenue, a young man and woman seated on a bench at the bus stop are currently making out like it’s fucking Paris or something.

    • How One Hot New Device Helps Couples Drag Out Their Doomed Relationship That Extra Month Or Two

      2:59

      The amazing new "Relationship Pro" video game controller lets both members of a couple pretend they are in a healthy relationship.

    • Popular Children's Book Author Reveals The 'Spooky Truth' About Creepy Conspiracy Theories

      4:18

      The bestselling author of “The Spooky Truth” series wants to teach kids that pulling back the curtain on what the government doesn’t want us to know can be fun!

    • Report: Saxophone Still An Okay Vehicle For Self-Expression

      1:13

      While declaring that the musical instrument was by no means ideally suited to the task, a report released by the National Endowment for the Arts Thursday concluded that the saxophone nevertheless remains a fairly decent vehicle for expressing one’s ...

    • Businessman Does His Work Lying On Bed Like Schoolgirl

      2:42

      An aquarium unveils its new 'Floating Carcasses of the Pacific' exhibit, a guy with 10,000 tweets and 15 followers is about ready to hang it up, and a local father buys string cheese to make coming to his house more fun. It's the week of March 29, 2013.

    • Ashamed Student Affairs Committee Reveals There Aren’t Any Awesome Events Happening On Campus This Weekend

      1:07

      Expressing shame and remorse in an email to the students of Hamilton College on Friday, disgraced student affairs coordinator Jessica Li, 20, regretfully informed undergraduates that there would be no cool events occurring on campus this weekend.

    • Finance Expert Saves Struggling Zoo By Firing All Employees, Getting Rid of Cages

      2:56
      On Today NOW!, the savvy businessman who turned a zoo on the verge of bankruptcy into a money-making machine shares management tips with Jim and Tracy.
    • Guy With 10,000 Tweets, 15 Followers About Ready To Hang It Up

      1:23

      Saying that he’s probably done all he could possibly do at this point, Twitter user Aaron Gartner confirmed Tuesday that after posting 10,000 tweets and accumulating just 15 followers, the 26-year-old is pretty much ready to pack it in and discontin...

    • Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized

      3:10

      The parents of 13-year old Caitlin Teagart have decided to end her life, saying she can now do nothing but lay on the couch and whine about things being "gay."

    • Meet The Man Inside The Nicolas Cage Costume

      2:41

      Star Fix has an exclusive interview with the man who has enchanted audiences for the last 30 years playing the delightfully wacky, oversized puppet of Nicolas Cage.

    • Surgeon General: Smoking Fine As Long As You Only Do It When You Drink

      2:35

      The office of the Surgeon General holds a live press conference to explain that no one has ever gotten cancer from just bumming a couple cigarettes at a party.

    • New Prius Helps Environment By Killing Its Owner

      1:26

      Toyota's new Prius Solution reduces its driver's carbon footprint to zero by impaling them through the lungs with spikes as soon as they get in the car.

    • Witch Who Granted Beyoncé Beauty And Fame Takes Singer's First-Born Child

      2:30

      Moments after Beyoncé gave birth, a witch appeared in a cloud of smoke to claim the child as her payment for giving the singer fame, beauty, and talent.

    • Tyler Perry Expands His Fan Base With New Films About Sassy, Chinese Grandmother

      1:48

      Tyler Perry has signed a $50 million deal to expand his franchise to include films targeted at the world's 1.4 billion Chinese moviegoers.

    • HP Offers 'That Cloud Thing Everyone Is Talking About'

      2:10

      HP announced they're making a new push into cloud computing and that they totally know what that is.

    • Woman Sets Record For Longest Amount Of Time Spent Talking About Oneself

      2:37

      Today Now! welcomes Linda Johnston, the inspiring woman who made history by talking about herself continuously for over fifty hours.

    • HP Offers 'That Cloud Thing Everyone Is Talking About'

      2:10

      HP announced they're making a new push into cloud computing and that they totally know what that is.

    • New Prius Helps Environment By Killing Its Owner

      1:26

      Toyota's new Prius Solution reduces its driver's carbon footprint to zero by impaling them through the lungs with spikes as soon as they get in the car.

    • Internet Scam Alert: Most "Kickstarter" Projects Just Useless Crap

      2:32

      Internet criminals are using a website called "Kickstarter" to bilk friends and families out of money for terrible, ill-conceived, and unnecessary "personal projects."

    • New Apple Friend Bar Gives Customers Someone To Talk At About Mac Products

      2:16

      Tech Trends' Jeff Tate explains the new service that pairs insufferable Apple customers with "friends" that will listen to them rattle on for hours.

    • New Google Phone Service Whispers Targeted Ads Directly Into Users' Ears

      2:34

      The new feature reduces Google phone users' cell phone costs while providing them with unobtrusive, personalized ads delivered in a friendly whisper.

    • Insidious Worm Makes Unauthorized Purchases When Computer User Is Drunk

      2:19

      Computer experts say individuals with upcoming bachelor parties or afterwork get-togethers are especially vulnerable to cyber attacks resulting in fraudulent late-night purchases.

    • Ultra-Realistic Modern Warfare Game Features Awaiting Orders, Repairing Trucks

      2:42

      Designers say the new game explores the endless paperwork, routine patrolling a modern day soldier endures in photorealistic detail.

    • Google Opt Out Feature Lets Users Protect Privacy By Moving To Remote Village

      2:09

      Web users who choose to move to the desolate village are guaranteed an environment free from Google products and natural light from the sun.

    • Hot New Video Game Consists Solely Of Shooting People Point-Blank In The Face

      1:47

      Experts say Close Range sets a new standard for first-person shooter games with its vivid graphics and endless stream of exploding faces.

    • Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work

      2:22

      Our Tech Trends reporter looks at the new gizmo Sony promises will revolutionize the way consumers become infuriated by goddamn blinking TV box things.

    • Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

      2:37

      The MacBook Wheel lets consumers accomplish everyday tasks like typing with just a few dozen spins and clicks of a wheel.

    • YouTube Contest Challenges Users To Make A 'Good' Video

      2:23

      YouTube is offering a cash prize to the first user to upload a video with a shred of originality or artistic merit.

    • 'Warcraft' Sequel Lets Gamers Play A Character Playing 'Warcraft'

      2:18

      World Of World Of Warcraft's amazing level of detail makes players feel like they are actually in a cramped, dark apartment playing World Of Warcraft.

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    Seedless Watermelon Coming To Grips With Fact It’ll Never Be Able To Have Kids

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    Middle-Aged Funeral Director Buys Flashy Red Hearse

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    Social Media Rock Star Makes $28,000 Per Year

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    Government-Issued PSA Urging Teens To Fuck Their Brains Out

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    Man Says 'Fuck It,' Eats Lunch At 10:58 A.M.

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